Anti the Hero enters the church
He has an appointment with the Devil for lunch
He wants to learn the meaning of life, and he's looking for the truth
Anti the Hero asks the priest if he's seen the Devil, but the priest scurries about and doesn't notice him
He doesn't have time for such foolishness
The Devil prances in and sits down next to Anti the Hero
He's smiling
As usual
The Devil has two buttons on the lapels of his wolf-skin jacket
One says, "Jesus was a man"
The other says, "Men lie"
The Devil bids good morning to Anti the Hero and puts his feet up on the pew
"I hope you didn't wait too long," The Devil says
When Anti the Hero says, "No," the Devil shrugs and says, "Oh well"
The Voice of Morality comes in to yell at the priest
She is drunk and smells of stale urine
She has been sleeping in the streets because she thinks that's how to suffer
When the Voice of Morality sees the Devil and Anti the Hero, she stops to tell them they're wrong
When the priest ignores her, she goes to sleep off her binge in the confessional
"It's going to be a good mourning," the Devil says to Anti the Hero and goes off to the concession stand to buy popcorn
A Great World Leader comes in to see the priest, but he says he'll settle for the Devil if the priest is busy
When he sees the Devil isn't there, he says that he'll settle for Anti the Hero
He has taken LSD and contracted HIV, but says he still works for the NWO
He demands respect, even though his phallus is buried in a rat
He goes into the confessional to see if he can seduce the Voice of Morality
The Devil returns with two boxes of popcorn and asks if he missed anything
Anti the Hero says, "No"
Enter a man wearing a shirt that says, "I Love Satan"
He is carrying a sword in one hand and his dignity over his shoulder
The Devil smiles and hands a bag of popcorn to Anti the Hero
The man sits down opposite the Devil and Anti the Hero, and admonishes them for being in a church
He tells them he is Satan's Chosen Warrior
The Devil smiles
He asks the man if he would know the Devil on sight
The man says, "Yes"
He begins to whisper insults about the priest
When the priest's ears perk up, the man runs out, looking over his shoulder
He is careful to take his sword, but leaves his dignity on the pew
The Great World Leader tip-toes out of the confessional
He has impregnated the Voice of Morality
They will name the child Sin, but neither knows after which parent
With a bang and a flash, the Good Christian woman comes in
She is excited about seeing the Devil
She says a religious experience with him is better than no religious experience at all
She shakes his hand and kisses his hoof.
The Devil pats her on the head and tells her "Jesus loves you."
She bows and runs away
Anti the Hero asks the Devil if it's always this exciting
To which the Devil replies, "Only when you're here"
Their conversation stops when a black man in a tiger costume stalks into the church
The priest screams and runs into the confessional, waking up the Voice of Morality
The black man says his name is The Roar of His Brothers
He begs the Devil for the power to stop the men wearing sheets whiter than their skin
He says they hunt him down and burn his flesh
He then asks the Devil to clear the white people from his Homeland so it can be One
The Devil slaps him and calls him a blasphemer
He sounds offended
The Voice of Morality comes out of the confessional
She is crying because her child will not be stillborn like its mother
She puts her arm around the Roar of His Brothers
She promises the Devil he'll burn in Hell if he doesn't grant both wishes
The Devil ponders them and looks them over carefully
Then he agrees to grant their common wish to always walk with their backs to the Sun
The Voice of Morality exits, supported by The Roar of His Brothers
The Devil nods to Anti the Hero and tips his top hat
"I must be going," he says. "A Devil's work is never done"
He skips out of the church, leaving Anti the Hero with the bill for the popcorn
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