I nearly broke a record today by walking out on my third job in a month, but my supervisor must have known I was serious about leaving because Debbie left me alone after I blew up, and I was able to endure probably the most stressful 12 hours of my life, knowing that now I am free, I am king, driving around to burn off steam, and that's when I realize I didn't eat lunch and I’m pretty hungry right now, and nothing would go better than a nice roast chicken breast sandwich swimming in mayonnaise, and even though I have a couple chicken breast fillets in the freezer at home it would be almost midnight by the time I thawed and cooked them, and I don't want to spend my day off sleeping to noon because I stayed up all night eating chicken when I could buy something and fall asleep on the couch watching the new Friday the 13th, so it must be pure synchronicity passing the Alternatron on Main I didn't know had opened yet, and have enough seconds spare to screech in the parking lot, my mouth is watering before I'm even out of the car, but all is forgotten when I see tending the counter a girl I dated two years ago, whose name I can't remember, but cannot forget that cute face with little up-turned nose and big pretty blue eyes, way out of my caliber, and my first impulse is to leave before she sees me, so I steel myself against the urge and struggle to remember her name before she recognizes me, and just as our eyes connect and hers widen, I spit out, “Mindy, Mindy Caulfield,” and she doesn't believe it's really me, and I have all the old feelings of attraction rushing back remembering the day I first saw her on the beach and how the sun glowed through her hair, so I brush back my hair with my fingers and coolly pretend I'm not looking at my reflection in the sneeze guard to make sure my costume is in place, dragging my eyes up to her, seeing no hint of the night I told her I was going insane and needed time to work things out in my head, which of course she thought was nothing but a breakup line, but I was terrified because another person controlled all my actions and sometimes I could not stop, but there was no way to explain this without making her cry for hours before I stood up andwalked away, and I think she loved me, but at the time I didn’t know if I could feel that way about anyone, so it's to my surprise that she’s smiling now and asking me like how I’ve been and what I’ve been doing with myself, to which I’m nodding and giving the customary answers of “Good,” and, “Oh, nothing, just working,” all the while, I’m thinking to myself how good she used to look and it’s nothing compared to how damn fine she looks now, which has me aroused just looking at her and when I tell her how good she looks and she smiles bashfully which gets my heart pounding so hard I can hear the blood pumping in my ears and she tells me that I look great too while those big blue eyes scan me up and down, but she scowls and tells me I still look like a vampire, and I make a joke about her stupid uniform that we both laugh about, but still hangs off her in all the right places, and she must see my eyes tracing her, so I give her the same questions while I look at her in that rehearsed dreamy fashion, leaning on the counter as she tells me she’s taking a semester off from school to work and decide what she wants out of life but I’m not paying much attention, leaning closer and closer, and amidst a dozen other swirling sounds in my head I can almost hear her crying out as I penetrate and smell the sweat on our naked bodies as we roll around on the floor, entwined and spilling bodily fluids while I’m shouting at her to be quiet, but on the outside I’m smiling seductively as she leans closer to point out there is no one in the store, and hints I should lock the door, and I wonder if I've got the guts to do it right here, but I know it's too risky, so I ask if she wants to come back to my place and have a drink, and she agrees with an answer loaded with more innuendo than my question, and she does a quick clean-up while I try to remember how long it's been since my last girl, and if people have started to forget, and that Samhain song loops in my brain, “Because I like when chests are torn apart, the way that limbs come off,” making me wonder if a person exists that enjoys those things, and the volume is increasing in my head, drowning her out and stinging my brain so I have to squint against the pain and she asks if I’m all right, so I tell her that it’s just a headache that’s been bothering me all day, but it’s been bothering me for my whole life, and in my head, every word she says turns into a scream for help making the urge to shut her up so strong, but I’m thinking to myself, “No, not yet, everything is still fine,” but she keeps talking and my ears translate it into bloodcurdling screams, and I know the only way I can make it stop, but I can’t do it yet because someone might walk into the store, so I struggle with myself and offer to drive, and she says something else while she takes off her apron and turns out the lights, but I can’t hear a word she’s saying, because the noise in my brain is too loud, so I nod and smile appropriate to what I see on her face, leading her to the door, and we finally get on the road and the radio helps dull the noise with, “Midnight Rambler,” which is only romantic to Mary Kelly, but Mindy is sliding across the seat and kissing my neck, moving her hands over my body and I can feel movement in my black jeans and he contemplates pulling the car over and doing it right there on the side of the road but I’ve done that before, and it’s so hard to clean up and the smell doesn’t seem to go away ever, so when her hand unbuckles my belt and slides into my pants, I have to push her away and give her a stern look and mouthing the words, “be patient,” to which she purrs she doesn’t think she can and I want her so bad I speed the rest of the way home and Mindy is all over me as soon as I close the garage door and we go up the stairs as one and I have her shirt off before I can even get my door open and I’m stroking her large breasts pulling them out of her bra and trying to decide where he should stick the knife: above or below, and I get her inside, hanging up my coat in the closet and asking if she wants a drink and he considers putting LSD in a soda to watch her trip while it dies but she says she doesn’t want anything as she walks into the the living room and sprawls out on the couch so I follow her as she slides off the rest of her clothes so I close the drapes because I certainly don’t want anyone to see this and when she asks if I have a condom he goes into the kitchen and says “Yeah, hold on” as he pulls a lock-blade knife out of his coat pocket and opens it behind his back while he stalks across the floor to the couch while she is looking up at him seductively and licking her lips and when he brings the knife out from behind his back her eyes widen to the size of quarters and she starts asking what he is doing and saying that this is in really bad taste and it tries to cover itself with the blanket but when her eyes fall on the frayed hole with the brown stains and it throws the blanket away in horror and his eyes are narrow slits and he waves the knife back and forth like the head of a snake and its voicebox is unable to produce the scream it’s trying to force out but it manages to calm and ask if he is the guy from the news, and it screams again when the man doesn't respond, and that is when the man lunges and the screen turns red.
When the scene fades back in, I’m stripped to the waist and splattered with her, staring with a mix of loathing and grief at the ruin in front of me. “You don’t look so damn fine now, do you?” I snap, emphasizing my words with a reserved kick to what’s left of her flank. There is no response, can’t be a response.
The sun is starting to break over the hills, turning the driveway a dim shade of grey. My energies are spent, and I think I may actually fall asleep where I stand. I can’t leave everything laying around though. I don’t want anyone stopping by. I have to do some cleanup before I can go to bed.
I drag it into the bathroom and dump it in the bathtub. Under the sink I keep buckets and cleaning supplies, sponges, sope, buckets. There is no time for sleep, I have a job to do. I've done this enough to know it will be a very long day.
When the scene fades back in, I’m stripped to the waist and splattered with her, staring with a mix of loathing and grief at the ruin in front of me. “You don’t look so damn fine now, do you?” I snap, emphasizing my words with a reserved kick to what’s left of her flank. There is no response, can’t be a response.
The sun is starting to break over the hills, turning the driveway a dim shade of grey. My energies are spent, and I think I may actually fall asleep where I stand. I can’t leave everything laying around though. I don’t want anyone stopping by. I have to do some cleanup before I can go to bed.
I drag it into the bathroom and dump it in the bathtub. Under the sink I keep buckets and cleaning supplies, sponges, sope, buckets. There is no time for sleep, I have a job to do. I've done this enough to know it will be a very long day.
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