Episode 4
Lilly had bright blue hair back then, and could fit herself through a coat-hanger. Everyone told her she was beautiful, but Lilly knew her tits weren’t big enough, and it wasn’t until after the baby that she had anything close to big-girl tits. Lilly’s mother swore she didn’t have her proportions until after college, but Lilly assumed the drugs left her scrawny.
Looking
through Chet’s eye, Lilly saw herself ravishing and sultry, crawling on
all fours like a bitch-lion, hungry for something she’d never have
enough of. The beer eventually counteracted the drugs and she got a
little tummy, but Chet always picked angles to hide it away. Lilly would
go back and look through them when she needed to feel good about
herself. The pictures, and an hour a day on the treadmill Chet bought
her a few weeks before he died. The tight regiment allowed her to
maintain a physique smaller than what she’d once call fit.
Lilly
never did tell Chet about the pictures, and he never asked. To the day
he died, Lilly had an elaborate ritual of retrieving the camera from
where it had been discarded, looking through a few of them with a wry
smile, and pretending to erase them. Then she’d go to the bathroom to
clean up, and switch out an identical memory card to download later.
There were not many photos of actual sex, Chet lost interest in the
camera by then.Looking back, her deception seemed so obvious, and she
wondered if maybe Chet knew all along. Once she’d convinced one of their
friends to tape them in the bathroom at a Danzig show. Lilly had been
so drunk, and Chet had been so nervous that neither could properly
perform. Lilly had almost erased that one, but as bad as she thought it
was, the video received 700 hits a week, most often from repeat
visitors.
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