Dead But Dreaming

Part 3

Most people here were at the Sado Mass show. Some dude attacked the band on stage and started shooting. Joshua Solomon might be dead. Rachel, this chick I’ve been trying to fuck, is going to a rave at a strip club. The DJ here is doing New Wave with a mix of Motorhead and the Crüe.

Some chick asks me to dance. It’s mostly thrashing about, and I step on her feet a lot, but she’s still laughing. When we sit down, she tells me she snuck in during a fight and offers to show me her fake ID. The picture is an old, Hispanic woman. One of the boys looks jealous when she throws herself over me. I let some other guy cut in and stumble away to find Rachel, who still wants to check out the rave. I roll a joint in the parking lot and we smoke on the way.

We’re not at the rave more than three minutes, when some kid offers me ecstacy. I buy two, hoping Rachel will take it with me. Before I can get back to them, I run into this guy I used to work with a few years back. He's the club photographer now, and asks me if I want to go hang out in the dressing room with the strippers for the “real party.” I figure I might as well, because I haven’t gotten laid yet tonight, which is pretty outlandish. In the dressing room, there are a few guys, and several ugly girls strangling an old dude that hands them a stream of $100 bills. I hope they aren’t strippers. There is beer, but only Coors Light. I take one of the pills and wash it down with a beer. As soon as I finish my drink, I head back to the rave.

I can’t find Rachel anywhere, so I catch a cab to my parents’ house. It costs ten bucks, and the guy tries to throw me out when I smoke. I wake them up when I stumble into the house. They seem pretty pissed and ask me what I’m doing there so late at night, I just shrug, and they go back to bed. I go outside to smoke.

The air is crisp out here, and everything is quiet. The pond is not frozen. I strip naked and first wade in to my knees. My cigarette keeps me warm. My head is spinning, and I think I just want to pass out. I put the cigarette out in the water, in past my knees, tense for the deep freeze that almost knocks me out when it arrives.

It’s starting to snow. The flakes land around me. One lands on my left nipple, and I stare at it as it melts. When the cold becomes uncomfortable, I dunk it below the water.

END