printisbetter

Fade in on a dusty sandstone plateau lit yellow in afternoon sun. Mountains can be seen in the distance.

NARRATOR

Valentine was quite surprised by the number of his people at the Tombs. He’d never heard of these places, but Erby led he and Chloe Isis through crowds of dozens of couples of human visitors poking in and out of every dusty crevasse. Great holes had been torn into the side of the mountain where rickety ladders led down to the long-ago-looted tombs of ancient royalty. The treasure of the Illithred now lay in stashes and displays across the lands where it could be gawked at by those that never lived the horror of these ancient kings.

VALENTINE

Can we still see the bodies?

ERBY

Oh no, Mister, there is an extra fee for visitors to look at that. I can’t imagine you would be able to afford it.

CHLOE ISIS

He’s only got six dollars.

VALENTINE

Will you get moving?

NARRATOR

Past the concession stands and the tents offering a hair of protection, Erby let them stop to admire the majesty of what had been wrought in stone. Great pillars held slabs that were home to the most prolific decisions ever made. Here ritual and religion had been born and twisted into the bars and chains of the Illithred.

CHLOE ISIS

I don’t understand why we have to look at them.

ERBY

There is a very nice display of mummified cats.

CHLOE ISIS

Poor kitty.

ERBY

Misses, these cats were revered as gods in the time of their lives. Here is a cow. Another tomb houses a horse, and even twenty-foot crocodile.

VALENTINE

You have a crocodile?!

ERBY

With a mummified hatchling clutched in her jaws. This was mother crocodile. Did you know mother crocodiles held their babies in their mouths? They do not swallow.

VALENTINE

I know a few things about crocodiles.

CHLOE ISIS

Stop being smug.

ERBY

This is the display here behind this glass. The cow was interred with valuable gems and summoning stones, but these were all removed when the tombs were plundered.

CHLOE ISIS

Where are they now?

ERBY

Some place in the Emperor’s storehouses. Konakarse believes even gazing on these treasures will make them dirty.

CHLOE ISIS

That isn’t fair.

VALENTINE

Why don’t you tell the Emperor about it.

CHLOE ISIS

Maybe I will. Our next stop is Old City, after all. We need to save the Tree of Life, remember?

VALENTINE

You need to find another adventurer. You told me this would take an afternoon. So far I’ve slept night after night in the cold, wet grass, I’ve been chased down by magical knights, nearly robbed by an Ibis that worked for the Trolls, and have even more to look forward to in the immediate future. I’m not going to Old City, I’m going home.

CHLOE ISIS

You can’t abandon me. Not until we find the magic coat.

ERBY

What does this coat do, Missus?

CHLOE ISIS

I should probably keep something Top Secret on this mission. It is super dangerous after all.

VALENTINE

I’m serious, Chloe, I’m going home.

CHLOE ISIS

I know when you’re serious.

VALENTINE

I am. When we get out of Wicked City, I want to go home.

ERBY

If you look over there, you may be more concerned with the immediate moment. Your bird is approaching.

CHLOE ISIS

Dahooty!

VALENTINE

Oh no, turn around! Did he see us?

CHLOE ISIS

I can’t tell.

ERBY

He does not seem to see you. Take this entrance to the Tomb. There is no fee, and this is the only Tomb where my people are allowed to enter.

CHLOE ISIS

They don’t let you see them?

ERBY

It is forbidden by law, Missus. Your Emperor does not want the ancient paintings dirty as well.

NARRATOR

Two troll soldiers leaned on their spears, sitting on a wall near a set of rickety metal stairs up to a hold in the mountainside. Erby led them up to the wooden planks that had been laid down the mouth of the cave for easier access. White light revealed a night sky with five-pointed stars evenly arranged across the ceiling of the crypt. Wires lead up the walls, held in with nails, occasionally sparking as people walked beneath them. Valentine had to sidestep quickly more than once to avoid being ignited. The hall opened up to a wider room with more sparking lights showing the murals and portraits in brightness they were never intended to see. This had faded the paint significantly. Entrance was permitted to Troll guides as a gift from the Emperor during a rare lapse of compassion. While a number of fans blew about the air, the room was still stuffy from all the people pushing about inside. As Erby led them through the cracks in the masses, he paused to show them the altar had no seams, indicating the room had been carved around it. They continued then into a narrow hallway beyond the altar room. The ramp was steep into a black hole with flickering rumors of torchlight below.

VALENTINE

I’m not going down there.

ERBY

Most think this room is off limits. The rest do not go down the incline. This is where you will be safest.

NARRATOR

Chloe and Valentine slipped, skipped, and stumbled down the ramp to the bottom chamber. The Beyond the entrance was a room lit in simple torches, bathing the room in orange light.

VALENTINE

You can’t be serious! I’m not crawling into the darkness with you.

ERBY

Would you rather your bird report your whereabouts to the Glithval?

CHLOE ISIS

What will it take for you to trust him, Rubin? Erby is on our side!

ERBY

I know a place where this tomb connects to a network of tunnels. An entrance comes out not far from the river. You can follow it to the Ox Ford.

VALENTINE

How do you know about the Ox Ford?

CHLOE ISIS

I told him, Rubin. Erby is our friend.

VALENTINE

That’s what you said about Dahooty.

CHLOE ISIS

So never make another friend as long as you live because one sold us to trolls. I’d prefer to live in a better world than that.

NARRATOR

Valentine hesitated. The Glithvals that attacked them had been monsters, but were they any less dangerous than this troll in the dark tunnels?

LOKIA (OS)

Marshal Teppins!

LOKIA enters. He wears heavy plate armor and brandishes his sword.

LOKIA

I’ve found the children!

ERBY

Glithvals! Run!

ERBY pulls aside boxes and a shelf to reveal the mouth of a tunnel big enough only to crawl. He crawls inside. CHLOE ISIS and VALENTINE follow.

NARRATOR

The tunnel opened up in a few meters, only enough for the three to stand, and still not big enough for the large Glithvals to enter. Chloe and Valentine followed the torch down a sandstone tunnel only wide enough for single-file. When Valentine slowed, Erby paused only briefly.

ERBY

We cannot stop here, they can still reach us.

OS we hear the ring of metal against rock.

ERBY

Get down!

ERBY throws himself into CHLOE ISIS, knocking her and VALENTINE on their backs. Lokia’s SWORD spins down the tunnel, banging against the walls when the tunnel grew too narrow, and missing the pile of Erby, Chloe, and Valentine by inches. VALENTINE tries to get up.

ERBY

No! Stay!

Lokia’s SWORD returns, striking the arm of VALENTINE, who cries out and falls on his back again.

ERBY

Get up! Get up!

CHLOE ISIS

Rubin, is it bad!

VALENTINE

I can see my bone!

ERBY

Go!

ERBY pulls VALENTINE and CHLOE to their feet and throws them running

ERBY

Not much further, there is a bend.

The sound of sword on sandstone rings again, faint, but quickly growing closer. CHLOE ISIS and VALENTINE leap around the corner just as the SWORD flies past them and slams into the wall, throwing reflected torchlight across their faces.. The SWORD clatters to the floor and immediately starts to vibrate, growing stronger and stronger until the blade is bouncing around, and knocking its self into the air several times before it catches a spin and flies back down the tunnel.

VALENTINE

Are you okay?

CHLOE ISIS

I’m fine. How is your wound?

VALENTINE

I can’t see a thing.

CHLOE ISIS

Erby!

Before VALENTINE can stop her, CHLOE ISIS runs around the corner to where the torch burns out of sight. VALENTINE catches her around the waist and knocks CHLOE to her knees.

In the distance, the SWORD is singing again. VALENTINE grabs the torch and pushes CHLOE back around the corner. Fade to...

TREMONT

How did you escape?

HOOK

I told you, I’m a wizard.

TREMONT

I can expel energy from my fingers, jump higher than any man, prevent myself from touching the ground when I fall, and can peel every muscle and organ from your skeleton without laying a finger on you, and I know that wizards are not real, so tell me how you escaped those trolls.

HOOK

If you’re not going to believe me, why do you ask?

NARRATOR

Tremont paused to lean against a boulder twice his size.

TREMONT

The Marshal is in Wicked City. He’s directing me southwest.

HOOK

Directing you?

TREMONT

It’s the first time he’s acknowledged my calls in days.

HOOK

What about Bandyboo? Is he acknowledging your calls?

TREMONT

None of us would hear Bandyboo’s Song if he didn’t want us too.

NARRATOR

Tremont continued walking down the path.

HOOK

You say that word like it’s distasteful, but when the troll came to me, he was quick to use it. I always thought it was (waves hand) ...iffy.

NARRATOR

Tremont slowed, allowing Hook to walk past him.

TREMONT

It’s a troll word. They are simple, repugnant creatures with no understanding of the world around them.

HOOK

Is the troll a Glithval too?

TREMONT

(disgusted)
Heavens no! (Stomps past Hook) A troll could never do what we do. Even the Illithred knew that. The most dynamic job a troll was ever given was a check out clerk in the filling stations. Trolls are stupid, brutal creatures.

HOOK

(struggling to keep up) How do they know each other then?

TREMONT

Why do you ask so many questions?

NARRATOR

The hillside was steep, but the ground was rocky. Tree roots stuck out here and there as foothold as the two descended. There is no grass, little vegetation, and the ground is devoid of fallen leaves.

HOOK

Don’t you want to keep me intrigued? If I’m not your prisoner, and you so powerful that you don’t need my help, I can only be here for my own entertainment. If that’s the case, I’d like to know why you and your Glithval friends are so interested in chasing a pair of children to a troll junk shop.

TREMONT

You think I’m powerful? Wait until you see Ophalius.

HOOK

Ophalius is the man?

TREMONT

That doesn’t even begin to describe him. No other Glithval could be compared to Ophalius. Even with my help, Marshal Teppins would be flattened.

HOOK

And we’re looking for him?

TREMONT

Unless Grent has completely given up on his studies, we stand no chance against him.

Fade to Black.

Fade in to on a dark stone hallway.

ERBY

Those Glithvals will not follow us in here.

CHLOE ISIS

You're not even cut.

NARRATOR

Valentine inspected the wound on his arm.

CHLOE ISIS

Look, there isn't even blood. It cut your jacket.

VALENTINE

It looked a lot worse. How can you be sure we're safe?

CHLOE ISIS

What is this place?

ERBY

This is the tomb of the Witch King.

VALENTINE

That doesn't sound safe. There’s probably a lava floor with ghostly blocks that disappear and dump you on spikes if you don’t jump in time.

CHLOE ISIS

You don’t think anything is safe. Who was the Witch King?

ERBY

He was the first of the Illithred. He taught them to take Shogotta into their bodies to give them great power. Before the Witch King, it was used only as a weapon, but he discovered it would bend to his will and perform many tasks. The Illithred became something no longer human. They mastered the world and trod mortal man under their feet.

CHLOE ISIS

You think we are safe here?

ERBY

For the moment.

VALENTINE

Why should we believe you?

ERBY

The walls are lined with Shogotta. They would not let a Glithval pass without attacking.

VALENTINE

Will they attack us?

ERBY

You pose it no threat. They will leave us alone.

CHLOE ISIS

Are they alive?

ERBY

So to speak. These figures and runes are gods and goddesses worshiped by the Illithred. The Emperor banished even their names, but these runes remain to protect the lineage of the Witch King.

VALENTINE

Are they moving?

ERBY

Often you will find the gods and goddesses watch you as you walk down the halls. I’ve seen it many times.

CHLOE ISIS

You told us you couldn’t come down here.

ERBY

Students spend the nights in the tunnels to learn the names of the kings in whispers. When the Tombs are quiet, you can hear voices. I have not been this deep in many years, but the experience is one that will never be forgotten.

VALENTINE

That one just moved its hand!

ERBY

You are mistaken, sir, there might be some jitters and jiggles, but the Shogotta only move significantly in the presence of Illithred.

CHLOE ISIS

I saw that one too!

NARRATOR

And that’s when a winged woman in a feather dress stepped off the wall separating Erby from Valentine and Chloe.

ERBY

I’m sorry, madam, I know the troll does not belong in this place!

NARRATOR

The winged woman pointed its staff at Valentine and he fell to his knees.

CHLOE ISIS

Don’t you dare touch him!

NARRATOR

Chloe Isis threw her handbag at the Shogotta, striking it on the bullhorns that adorned its headdress.

CHLOE

Rubin! Get out of here!

VALENTINE

My name is Valentine!

ERBY

Get down!

NARRATOR

There was a rough crash of metal bashing against rock and the broadsword of a Glithval spun down the rock hallway, passing between Erby and Valentine through the spot Chloe Isis was standing before the Shogotta pushed her out of the way. The sword continued down the hall, crashing against the rock until the sound grew dim.

CHLOE ISIS

It saved me!

NARRATOR

The Shogotta turned away from them, facing down the hall as the brutal song of the returning sword echoed in the hall. Erby pushed down Valentine, and Chloe was still on the floor. The sword glittered in the torchlight and it was consumed in the Shogotta, falling to the ground in a black puddle.

ERBY

Hurry now, it won’t stay there long.

ERBY helps up CHLOE while VALENTINE creeps toward the puddle. Inside, the sword is vibrating. ERBY grabs Valentine’s collar and drags him down the hall.

Fade to black.

Fade in on TREMONT and HOOK breaking through a line of forest to a muddy embankment.

NARRATOR

The valley was a sharp ‘V’ between the mountains with a tiny stream slicing the gorge like a scalpel in the Earth. Tremont stops at a fat, round boulder that has formed a shallow pool of stream around it, slowly polished and smooth by countless years of relentless attack from the water.

TREMONT

I can feel the Great River in this stream. We're not far.

HOOK

Why does Bandyboo know the troll? The Empire is crumbling very well on its own without me knowing this little secret.

NARRATOR

Tremont climbed atop the rock and peered down the valley.

TREMONT

We should reach the river within the hour.

HOOK

The Marshal doesn't want you in Wicked City no more?

TREMONT

Our quarry is no longer in Wicked City.

NARRATOR

Tremont hopped off the rock and started downstream without looking back to see if Hook followed. Hook watched for a moment before continuing.

HOOK

Whatever you say, boss. Are you going to answer my question?

TREMONT

I’ve been trying not to listen.

HOOK

If this guy is a big, bad Glithval, what’s he doing selling junk with a troll?

TREMONT

They met during the relocation, when we brought the trolls to the ruins of Wicked City.

HOOK

You were using Illithred weapons. One was brought through my town.

TREMONT

Nothing spread death like the Illithred weapons.

HOOK

I saw a demonstration of the tiny balls that were expelled through iron tubes with enough force to shatter the support beams of a house. I liked you better wearing armor and carrying swords.

TREMONT

Konakarse was desperate to try his new toys from the day our enemy fell. At first only the Glithval were given access to these weapons, but when huge stockpiles were discovered, even the common soldiers were rearmed. Ophalius was Warmaster.

HOOK

Tremont the Butcher.

TREMONT

Men have died for calling me that.

HOOK

Woah, relax!

TREMONT

I’m not exaggerating. Died. Only for calling me by that name.

HOOK

I’m sorry.

TREMONT

So it won’t happen again.

HOOK

Never.

NARRATOR

They walked on a few dozen yards along a bank. New shoots were already winding their way through the tangled brown skeletons of last year’s grasses. Hook stayed close to the dirt wall on what could pass as a path while Tremont splashed along the stream’s edge.

HOOK

It’s getting wider.

TREMONT

Where did you hear that name?

HOOK

I mean the stream. It’s bigger.

TREMONT

I’m aware.

HOOK

We must be getting close to the river.

TREMONT

Where did you hear that name?

HOOK

News criers. Story tellers. Everyone talked about you up here.

TREMONT

I was not in command.

HOOK

Nobody cared. You were the hero.

TREMONT

What did they say about Ophalius. He was in command.

HOOK

I don’t even remember. Did anyone know that? You were blasting away whole armies in the jungle. That’s what people wanted to hear about. Did you think that name was an insult? We loved you, man.

TREMONT

Warmaster Ophalius and I were surrounded. There was a Sgt. Tenrew with us, but he was human. We’d been leading a squad into an underground ruin housing more trolls than we ever could count. Among them was a bully named Morgoth, who’d been menacing the human villages on the rims of Tarnikesh. The people were complaining to Konakarse. Look up there. I can see the river.

NARRATOR

Hook shielded his eyes from the sun.

TREMONT

I suppose you need to be taller. Keep moving.

HOOK

I see it now. Is Morgoth the troll I met?

TREMONT

We surprised the trolls during a festival called Ogbai, where trolls get drunk on rotten vegetables while eating rats and earthworms. It’s unthinkably vile, but it’s how the trolls mark their manhood. The ritual required the young troll to slay a human boy, and we’d followed the screams into the chamber. Grent insisted we rescue the child, who was tied to a wooden pole and about to be skewered by a little troll named Corthd. Our squad was cut down almost immediately, but it was Corthd who saved us. In the confusion, he cut the child’s bonds himself and led us to safety. Ophalius granted Corthd immunity and has protected him ever since. Look there, do you see the dock?

HOOK

Yeah, and a house on the river.

TREMONT

The Marshal needs me to go here.

HOOK

How are we getting across the water?

TREMONT

I never said we. Wait here, I’ll be back within the hour.

Pan from wide shot of TREMONT running down the river bank to a closeup of HOOK watching. Fade to black.

Fade in on a stone doorway formed from thick sandstone blocks wedged against the edges of a portal smashed in the rock. ERBY steps out cautiously. Camera zooms out slow to reveal the grassy riverbank.

ERBY

My friends, look this way. I’ve found our destination.

CHLOE ISIS steps out of the tunnel.

CHLOE ISIS

Rubin, come on!

VALENTINE

My name is Val...

NARRATOR

Rubin lost his words when he stepped out the door to see the expanse of the Great River.

ERBY

The Great River leads all the way through Tarnikesh to the Sea. My cousin has a home not far from here. We have a few hours of Sun, I believe I can get you to the Ox Ford.

NARRATOR

The soil was the consistency of chocolate pudding, and they sank ankle deep with each step. Eventually, Chloe took off her shoes.

CHLOE ISIS

I can feel the worms on my toes!

VALENTINE

Don’t remind me they’re down there.

CHLOE ISIS

Hey Erby, why do you think the Shogotta saved me?

ERBY

You must have triggered its programming in some way. It was probably trying to kill you. The Glithval sword was pure luck.

VALENTINE

Can they control the spinning swords?

ERBY

They call it Blooding. The Glithval believe they have a mental link with their swords.

CHLOE ISIS

That’s terrible.

ERBY

My lady, it is not real. A sword is a sword. A Glithval can, however, send his sword spinning down a hallway and cut you in two pieces. The Shogotta will crawl back on the wall and stay there another ten thousand years. Shogotta retain their original paint job.

NARRATOR

They passed a troll in long robes leading bison to the river for drink. He exchanged pleasantries with Erby and each bowed.

ERBY

The Glithval brought my people here by boat through the mountains from Tarnikesh. The trip was hard, and the Glithval were not in pleasant spirits after the war. The Emperor made us build dockhouses, and crews were kept on hand to maintain. Only within my life has the law been lifted that one of your people must be in charge of the staff. My cousin was appointed this past fall. We were quite proud.

CHLOE ISIS

Will we see how the boats work?

ERBY

My lady, we will be riding my cousin’s felucca to the Ox Ford to see this junk man you are seeking. You say he is called Bandyboo?

CHLOE ISIS

Yeah, I think that was the name. Rubin, what was the troll’s name?

VALENTINE

Have you heard of a Bandyboo that sells junk in an Ox Ford? If so, it’s probably our guy. What is a fluker and how are supposed to get across the river.

ERBY

'Bandyboo' means ‘Dark Man’ in a language no longer spoken. That's what my people called him in Tarnikesh. Look there, this is my cousin’s house up ahead.

CHLOE ISIS

Rubin, have you ever seen a boat that big?

VALENTINE

I’ve seen plenty of boats. At least, I’ve read about them, memorized a few details about the hull and gibbet.

CHLOE ISIS

Did you wish you lived on the Sea?

VALENTINE

There are sea monsters in the water!

CHLOE ISIS

I thought so!

VALENTINE

Great, big things with mouths full of razor sharp teeth. Some day I’ll catch one of them.

ERBY

And what, may I ask, will you do with it?

VALENTINE

Maybe put it on the wall.

ERBY

We have a similar creature living in this river, so take care and keep your feet in the boat.

CHLOE ISIS

I don’t see anyone at the house.

ERBY

Mara! Mara, it is your cousin! It’s Erby!

VALENTINE

Have you noticed that everyone is related?

ERBY

Mara!?

CHLOE ISIS

Maybe they have a strong family pride. I heard trolls take great care to know their families.

ERBY

And we prefer not to be called trolls.

CHLOE ISIS

I’m sorry, Erby, I don’t mean it in a mean way.

ERBY

I am a man like any other.

CHLOE ISIS

I’m working on it. That’s just how I’ve known you.

ERBY

I understand, my lady. Wait here a moment.

NARRATOR

As they reached the edge of the yard, Erby ran ahead to the white A-frame built on stilts deep into the earth. The window frame had no glass, and Erby pulled himself up to look inside.

ERBY

Mara?

CHLOE ISIS

What’s wrong?

VALENTINE

Wait here.

NARRATOR

Erby dropped off the window and leaned against the wall.

CHLOE ISIS

Come on, something’s wrong.

NARRATOR

Chloe and Valentine ran to join Erby, who’d sat down.

CHLOE ISIS

Erby! Is everything all right?

ERBY

You don’t want to look in there.

VALENTINE

Let e see.

ERBY

You won’t like it.

NARRATOR

Valentine peered through the window.

VALENTINE

Oh my land! Who could do such a thing?

ERBY

That was my cousin and her husband.

CHLOE ISIS

I’m sorry for your loss, Erby.

ERBY

We cannot worry about that right now. Do either of you know how to pilot a felucca?

VALENTINE

I don’t know what that is?

ERBY

That makes me captain. I’ve watched my cousin a few times. As long as we stay out in deeper waters, I shouldn’t hit anything. Quickly now, the Glithval will be right behind us.

ERBY leads CHLOE ISIS and VALENTINE to the dock.

FADE TO BLACK