VALENTINE is on the felucca riding down the Great River in the dark. CHLOE ISIS is unconscious on the bench. ERBY is tied to the mast. He no longer has a gag.
ERBY
I think the bird may have abandoned you.
VALENTINE
Only talk when I ask, or I’m putting the rag back in your mouth.
I think the bird may have abandoned you.
VALENTINE
Only talk when I ask, or I’m putting the rag back in your mouth.
DAHOOTY enters from above.
DAHOOTY
Girl asleep?
VALENTINE
She’s been stirring. I think she’ll come to soon.
DAHOOTY
Dahooty sees Ox Ford and safe place to land. Take boat to shore now.
Girl asleep?
VALENTINE
She’s been stirring. I think she’ll come to soon.
DAHOOTY
Dahooty sees Ox Ford and safe place to land. Take boat to shore now.
VALENTINE walks to the stern. He takes the rudder in his hands, wiggles it. VALENTINE sits in the captain’s seat.
ERBY
You turn too hard, you flip boat, drown us all.
VALENTINE
I suppose if I wreck the boat, you won’t have anywhere to go but downstream.
ERBY
Maybe my cousin will float by and I can give him a proper burial.
VALENTINE turns the boat into the current. CHLOE ISIS sits up.You turn too hard, you flip boat, drown us all.
VALENTINE
I suppose if I wreck the boat, you won’t have anywhere to go but downstream.
ERBY
Maybe my cousin will float by and I can give him a proper burial.
CHLOE ISIS
Where are we? What’s going on?
ERBY
Miss Chloe! You are in grave danger!
Where are we? What’s going on?
ERBY
Miss Chloe! You are in grave danger!
CHLOE watches him for a moment, eyebrow furrowd.
CHLOE ISIS
You poisoned me.
VALENTINE
You're right.
CHLOE ISIS
I saw Stefan put something in our tea. That’s why I grabbed yours. I wanted you to be able to fight if I was unconscious.
VALENTINE
You’re so noble.
DAHOOTY
Girl sees future.
CHLOE ISIS
Dahooty! (To VALENTINE) Is he on our side now?
ERBY
The bird is your enemy!
VALENTINE
He saved us from Erby.
You poisoned me.
VALENTINE
You're right.
CHLOE ISIS
I saw Stefan put something in our tea. That’s why I grabbed yours. I wanted you to be able to fight if I was unconscious.
VALENTINE
You’re so noble.
DAHOOTY
Girl sees future.
CHLOE ISIS
Dahooty! (To VALENTINE) Is he on our side now?
ERBY
The bird is your enemy!
VALENTINE
He saved us from Erby.
There is a bump on the bottom of the boat.
CHLOE ISIS
What was that?
ERBY
Can Mister Rubin save us from the rocks?
What was that?
ERBY
Can Mister Rubin save us from the rocks?
There is another bump, this time with the cracking of wood.
ERBY
The current is too strong to swim from here. Ha ha! You’ll drown right beside me!
The current is too strong to swim from here. Ha ha! You’ll drown right beside me!
VALENTINE holds the rudder with all his might.
VALENTINE
No one is drowning. Not even you.
No one is drowning. Not even you.
The boat strikes another rock and spins three quarters around. CHLOE ISIS cries out and falls. DAHOOTY squawks and flies up in the air. ERBY laughs wildly.
VALENTINE
Hold on, we’re almost to shore!
Hold on, we’re almost to shore!
The boat strikes two rocks in quick succession and the second punches a hole in the hull. Water pours in around their feet.
CHLOE ISIS
We’re sinking!
VALENTINE
We’re only a couple feet of water. Keep your head!
DAHOOTY (OS)
Tree!
We’re sinking!
VALENTINE
We’re only a couple feet of water. Keep your head!
DAHOOTY (OS)
Tree!
A dead tree looms from the darkness, it’s desiccated branches reaching for the boat.
VALENTINE
Get down!
Get down!
The boat crashes into the tree and stops. For a moment, there is silence, then DAHOOTY lands on the mast. Water pours in over the sides of the boat.
CHLOE ISIS
Rubin?
Rubin?
CHLOE stands up and looks around. There are holes in the sail, but a large branch has missed Erby’s chest by a few inches. ERBY stares down in horror.
DAHOOTY
Boy alive?
Boy alive?
VALENTINE stands up between two branches.
VALENTINE
I’m... I’m alive. Anyone hurt?
CHLOE ISIS
I’m okay.
VALENTINE
Me too. Erby?
ERBY
What do you care, Mr. Rubin?
VALENTINE
I told you to stop calling me that.
I’m... I’m alive. Anyone hurt?
CHLOE ISIS
I’m okay.
VALENTINE
Me too. Erby?
ERBY
What do you care, Mr. Rubin?
VALENTINE
I told you to stop calling me that.
The hull is knee-deep with water.
CHLOE ISIS
Look!
Look!
The baby crocodile swims from under the bench, out to the river and away into the darkness, clicking and squeaking as it goes.
ERBY
If my cousin is alive he will be most sad to know you released his pet.
CHLOE ISIS
What happened to Stefan?
VALENTINE
He fell into the river.
DAHOOTY
Dahooty bite off his fingers! Taste like sausage.
CHLOE ISIS
Gross.
VALENTINE
We’ve got to get out of here. Come on, it’s only a few feet to shore.
CHLOE ISIS
What about Erby?
If my cousin is alive he will be most sad to know you released his pet.
CHLOE ISIS
What happened to Stefan?
VALENTINE
He fell into the river.
DAHOOTY
Dahooty bite off his fingers! Taste like sausage.
CHLOE ISIS
Gross.
VALENTINE
We’ve got to get out of here. Come on, it’s only a few feet to shore.
CHLOE ISIS
What about Erby?
VALENTINE tears another piece of fabric from Erby’s jacket and shoves it in Erby’s mouth, tying it in with the gag.
CHLOE ISIS
We can’t leave him.
VALENTINE
Would you rather we take him with us?
CHLOE ISIS
He could die!
VALENTINE
This is a busy river. Someone is sure to find him before tomorrow night.
We can’t leave him.
VALENTINE
Would you rather we take him with us?
CHLOE ISIS
He could die!
VALENTINE
This is a busy river. Someone is sure to find him before tomorrow night.
There is panic in ERBY’s eye.
VALENTINE
Dahooty, where can we hide?
Dahooty, where can we hide?
DAHOOTY takes flight.
DAHOOTY
Go to shore. Follow Dahooty.
Go to shore. Follow Dahooty.
VALENTINE hops into the water to his stomach.
VALENTINE
Chloe come on.
CHLOE ISIS
How cold is it?
VALENTINE
As cold as the water you’re standing in now. Come on, let’s move.
CHLOE ISIS
That’s way too cold, I’m not jumping in.
VALENTINE
Then how do you plan to get across?
CHLOE ISIS
Carry me.
VALENTINE
I’m not going to carry you.
CHLOE ISIS
Then I’m not going to get across.
Chloe come on.
CHLOE ISIS
How cold is it?
VALENTINE
As cold as the water you’re standing in now. Come on, let’s move.
CHLOE ISIS
That’s way too cold, I’m not jumping in.
VALENTINE
Then how do you plan to get across?
CHLOE ISIS
Carry me.
VALENTINE
I’m not going to carry you.
CHLOE ISIS
Then I’m not going to get across.
VALENTINE crosses his arms and turns away.
VALENTINE
Fine. Stay here on the boat.
CHLOE ISIS
You won’t let that happen.
VALENTINE
Try me.
CHLOE ISIS
See ya!
Fine. Stay here on the boat.
CHLOE ISIS
You won’t let that happen.
VALENTINE
Try me.
CHLOE ISIS
See ya!
VALENTINE starts to wade away. He gets a few steps, looks over his shoulder at Chloe, takes another step.
CHLOE ISIS
I don't want to get wet.
I don't want to get wet.
VALENTINE
Chloe, come on!
Chloe, come on!
CHLOE ISIS crosses her arms and shakes her head. VALENTINE returns to the boat.
VALENTINE
Fine. I’ll carry you, come on.
Fine. I’ll carry you, come on.
CHLOE ISIS climbs on the hull and hops into VALENTINE’s arms. VALENTINE carries her to shore.
Cut to...
EXT: RIVERBANK NIGHT.
HOOK is sitting in the sand, skipping stones into the river. TREMONT enters from above and lands on one knee beside HOOK.
HOOK
You can jump the river?
TREMONT
Are you saying you can’t? You told me you were a wizard.
HOOK
Whatever. The kids went off with the troll. Was Mallik on the island?
TREMONT
He won’t bother anyone for a while.
HOOK
I’m not much of a jumper. Is there a bridge across this river, or do you plan to carry me across when we get to the Ox Ford.
TREMONT
You don’t want to use the ford?
HOOK
I’m hardly the size of an ox. We just going to follow those kids around town until they find something? That might work out in Triangle, but you’re going to stand out in a small town like this.
TREMONT
You’ll go in and take a look. I’ll see if I can contact Marshal Teppins.
HOOK
You’re going to send me off on my own?
TREMONT
You said you weren't a prisoner. Now move.
HOOK
So we’re going to walk through another night with no sleep? Give me a break, man. I’m not like you! We’ll be able to catch up with these kids tomorrow, let me have some shut eye.
TREMONT
And should I stand around while you do this?
HOOK
Find your friends, or catch me a fish! You think I’m cranky now, you should see me in the morning on an empty stomach!
TREMONT
I saw an empty barn a few minutes walk down from here. Wouldn’t it be nice to sleep with a roof over your head? I’ll find you some food while you sleep. Now walk!
HOOK
Is it true your sword is alive?
TREMONT
Where did you hear that?
HOOK
It was in all the stories that your swords thought and felt like living creatures.
TREMONT
That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Blooding the Sword is a ritual. A warrior’s superstition, nothing more.
HOOK
Did you do it?
TREMONT
We all did. That doesn’t make it true. There, you see it ahead?
HOOK
That’s pretty far.
TREMONT
Lay down and sleep here then. I won’t stop you.
HOOK
Does Bandyboo believe it?
TREMONT
Believe what?
HOOK
In Blooding swords.
TREMONT
I haven’t spoken with Ophalius in years.
HOOK
Did he believe it then?
TREMONT
We all did.
HOOK
This guy is going to kill us, isn’t he?
TREMONT
Probably.
You can jump the river?
TREMONT
Are you saying you can’t? You told me you were a wizard.
HOOK
Whatever. The kids went off with the troll. Was Mallik on the island?
TREMONT
He won’t bother anyone for a while.
HOOK
I’m not much of a jumper. Is there a bridge across this river, or do you plan to carry me across when we get to the Ox Ford.
TREMONT
You don’t want to use the ford?
HOOK
I’m hardly the size of an ox. We just going to follow those kids around town until they find something? That might work out in Triangle, but you’re going to stand out in a small town like this.
TREMONT
You’ll go in and take a look. I’ll see if I can contact Marshal Teppins.
HOOK
You’re going to send me off on my own?
TREMONT
You said you weren't a prisoner. Now move.
HOOK
So we’re going to walk through another night with no sleep? Give me a break, man. I’m not like you! We’ll be able to catch up with these kids tomorrow, let me have some shut eye.
TREMONT
And should I stand around while you do this?
HOOK
Find your friends, or catch me a fish! You think I’m cranky now, you should see me in the morning on an empty stomach!
TREMONT
I saw an empty barn a few minutes walk down from here. Wouldn’t it be nice to sleep with a roof over your head? I’ll find you some food while you sleep. Now walk!
HOOK
Is it true your sword is alive?
TREMONT
Where did you hear that?
HOOK
It was in all the stories that your swords thought and felt like living creatures.
TREMONT
That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Blooding the Sword is a ritual. A warrior’s superstition, nothing more.
HOOK
Did you do it?
TREMONT
We all did. That doesn’t make it true. There, you see it ahead?
HOOK
That’s pretty far.
TREMONT
Lay down and sleep here then. I won’t stop you.
HOOK
Does Bandyboo believe it?
TREMONT
Believe what?
HOOK
In Blooding swords.
TREMONT
I haven’t spoken with Ophalius in years.
HOOK
Did he believe it then?
TREMONT
We all did.
HOOK
This guy is going to kill us, isn’t he?
TREMONT
Probably.
Pan up on a tired barn that appears it will fall in on its self soon. TREMONT and HOOK walk into shot.
HOOK
We might be better outside.
TREMONT
I should look around inside before we go in.
HOOK
For what?
TREMONT
To make sure we’re safe. Wait here.
We might be better outside.
TREMONT
I should look around inside before we go in.
HOOK
For what?
TREMONT
To make sure we’re safe. Wait here.
INT. BARN. NIGHT
Mouldering bales of hay line the walls nearly to the ceiling and covers the floor. TREMONT wrinkles and covers his nose as he enter. MALLIK emerges from a shadow.
TREMONT
Hiding?
MALLIK
Couldn’t wait for a little more.
TREMONT
People will think we’re in love.
MALLIK
I ain’t turning a blind cheek when some kids come snoopin’ around for the Dark Man. You an’ your boys owe me an explanation, and your cooperation.
Hiding?
MALLIK
Couldn’t wait for a little more.
TREMONT
People will think we’re in love.
MALLIK
I ain’t turning a blind cheek when some kids come snoopin’ around for the Dark Man. You an’ your boys owe me an explanation, and your cooperation.
TREMONT
Trying a new approach? Fighting wasn’t working out for you.
MALLIK
How many of you Glithvals still working for the Emperor? Last I heard only 9 remained in his defense.
TREMONT
There are more.
MALLIK
And most want to forget. Tell me where to find Ophalius. Lord Altemont will be just to us both with his payment.
TREMONT
The Dark Man is dead. He has been for a very long time.
MALLIK
Then I’d like you to tell me about this coat the kids are telling everyone about. I don’t believe this Tree of Life garbage, but I am intrigued they’re pallin’ around with a talking bird. You ever seen a talking bird before?
TREMONT
Is this a surrender? It’s the longest I’ve ever heard.
MALLIK
You should probably tell me what you know, Tremont the Butcha, because news travels fast. I heard the Emperor don’t like you too much. Altemont was up all over hisself wondering why you thought you could come to Netzah when you got kicked outta Old City. You thinkin we want to give you safe haven? Try again, Butcha.
Trying a new approach? Fighting wasn’t working out for you.
MALLIK
How many of you Glithvals still working for the Emperor? Last I heard only 9 remained in his defense.
TREMONT
There are more.
MALLIK
And most want to forget. Tell me where to find Ophalius. Lord Altemont will be just to us both with his payment.
TREMONT
The Dark Man is dead. He has been for a very long time.
MALLIK
Then I’d like you to tell me about this coat the kids are telling everyone about. I don’t believe this Tree of Life garbage, but I am intrigued they’re pallin’ around with a talking bird. You ever seen a talking bird before?
TREMONT
Is this a surrender? It’s the longest I’ve ever heard.
MALLIK
You should probably tell me what you know, Tremont the Butcha, because news travels fast. I heard the Emperor don’t like you too much. Altemont was up all over hisself wondering why you thought you could come to Netzah when you got kicked outta Old City. You thinkin we want to give you safe haven? Try again, Butcha.
TREMONT glances up at a window above Mallik. MALLIK sees and looks up.
MALLIK
What’s going on? Your friend up there?
TREMONT
I don’t have any friends.
What’s going on? Your friend up there?
TREMONT
I don’t have any friends.
MALLIK crosses two tentacles on his chest and grunts. He glides to the window, tentacles extending out beneath him until he was tall enough to look out.
TREMONT
You sing very well.
MALLIK
And I ain’t letting it down again. Don’t think you’re that lucky. I figgered we could talk instead.
TREMONT
What do you have on your mind?
MALLIK looks from the window to Tremont, then back again, consider's Tremont one more, takes an extra moment to make sure there is nothing outside, and returns to Tremont.
MALLIK
Tarnikesh.
TREMONT
It's gone. Nothing Troll, nothing Illithred. The Emperor ordered no trace should remain of any Troll uprising.
MALLIK
I ain't n ever figgered out how it happened. Didn’t mean nothing to the Emperor, sitting there in the jungle where we could die alone and be forgotten. In walks Ophalius and his men using Illithred weapons to spray us down. We didn’t even fight back, just plead our innocence, but you continued to shoot.
TREMONT
(patting his sword)
We don’t use Illithred weapons any longer. Doesn’t that make you happy?
MALLIK
Cutting off your head and eating the rest of you might make me happy, but I’ll have to try to be sure.
TREMONT
Then break my Song whenever you feel ready?
MALLIK
In the mean time, I don’t figger out where your little buddy is hiding until he whacks me in the face. Is that what you’re hoping? No way I see it, whichever of us move first will be making himself a target. We both live a lot longer than he do. I'll just sit here.
TREMONT
He’s a wizard, you know.
MALLIK
A wizard? They start making them late now.
TREMONT
He’s very clever. Can’t see him at all, can you?
MALLIK
Can you?
TREMONT
No. I guess we’ll just have to find out. Got trolls?
MALLIK
They’ll be along.
TREMONT
I hope they’re quick.
MALLIK
Why’sat?
TREMONT
Hook just set the building on fire.
You sing very well.
MALLIK
And I ain’t letting it down again. Don’t think you’re that lucky. I figgered we could talk instead.
TREMONT
What do you have on your mind?
MALLIK looks from the window to Tremont, then back again, consider's Tremont one more, takes an extra moment to make sure there is nothing outside, and returns to Tremont.
MALLIK
Tarnikesh.
TREMONT
It's gone. Nothing Troll, nothing Illithred. The Emperor ordered no trace should remain of any Troll uprising.
MALLIK
I ain't n ever figgered out how it happened. Didn’t mean nothing to the Emperor, sitting there in the jungle where we could die alone and be forgotten. In walks Ophalius and his men using Illithred weapons to spray us down. We didn’t even fight back, just plead our innocence, but you continued to shoot.
TREMONT
(patting his sword)
We don’t use Illithred weapons any longer. Doesn’t that make you happy?
MALLIK
Cutting off your head and eating the rest of you might make me happy, but I’ll have to try to be sure.
TREMONT
Then break my Song whenever you feel ready?
MALLIK
In the mean time, I don’t figger out where your little buddy is hiding until he whacks me in the face. Is that what you’re hoping? No way I see it, whichever of us move first will be making himself a target. We both live a lot longer than he do. I'll just sit here.
TREMONT
He’s a wizard, you know.
MALLIK
A wizard? They start making them late now.
TREMONT
He’s very clever. Can’t see him at all, can you?
MALLIK
Can you?
TREMONT
No. I guess we’ll just have to find out. Got trolls?
MALLIK
They’ll be along.
TREMONT
I hope they’re quick.
MALLIK
Why’sat?
TREMONT
Hook just set the building on fire.
A window smashes from a glass bottle with its nozzle ablaze. TREMONT waves a hand and the bottle shatters in the air, splashing fire on the hay. TREMONT swings his arm back, and the flames draw toward him.
TREMONT sidesteps, but MALLIK’s robes catch. TREMONT draws his sword and slices at Mallik, striking once at the chest and opening MALLIK’s robes. MALLIK flails its tentacles against the flame, but still has to avoid TREMONT coming back with a punch in the face. MALLIK falls in a heap and rolls out of the flames and back up, most of it’s lower limbs exposed. The are grossly assembled appendages, like great cords wrapped around each other. MALLIK throws off the robes and unfurls, the cords slowly peeling off the body, revealing themselves as worm-like tentacles that draw seven thin sabers from within their core. MALLIK has no body to speak of, only a frog-like head atop a mass of writhing tentacles. It rises to the ceiling, but could be larger if it had room to spread out.
TREMONT wades in, attacking high, striking the limbs as close to the base as he can reach. TREMONT tries to get past Mallik to the door, but MALLIK interferes and drives TREMONT against the flames. MALLIK attacks with his sabers, and TREMONT struggles to keep up, parrying blow after blow in a clatter of steel that mixes with the epic score of frantic violins and piccolo. The door bursts open and HOOK charges in, swinging his walking stick at the tentacles, knocking them away as they snake to attack him.
TREMONT
Get out of here! Trolls are coming!
MALLIK
Little wizard! I’ve heard so much about you!
Get out of here! Trolls are coming!
MALLIK
Little wizard! I’ve heard so much about you!
MALLIK’s tentacles wrap around HOOK’s ankles and lift him up in the air. TREMONT throws his sword into the thick base of muscle that forms a neck between Mallik’s head and tentacles. The blade goes through the center, all the way to the hilt, driving MALLIK against the wall, pinning him there, and making him drop Hook. HOOK lands on his back.
The wall blasts inward, showering all in debris as an immense, stocky creature with oily black skin and all manner of horn, tooth, and protuberance around its face and shoulders down on all four limbs that end in powerful paws with razor-tipped feet.
MALLIK struggles to pull himself off the sword until TREMONT holds out his hand. The sword pulls free and returns to its master. MALLIK rises to full-height and sees the creature glaring at him, taking the first, tentative step of a charge.
MALLIK
You brought me a Shogotta! Why thank you, Butcha, I didn’t think you cared.
TREMONT
Keep singing. I think he likes it.
You brought me a Shogotta! Why thank you, Butcha, I didn’t think you cared.
TREMONT
Keep singing. I think he likes it.
The Shogotta slams int MALLIK’s body and knocks both of them through the ceiling, dragging Mallik’s tentacles out the hole, leaving the blue sky lit by a few stars.
TREMONT takes a moment to catch his breath, and then puts his hand on HOOK’s shoulder.
TREMONT
Nice work.
HOOK
(smiles) Thanks.
Nice work.
HOOK
(smiles) Thanks.
Fade to black.
Fade in on...
EXT. FOREST CAMPSITE, MORNING
VALENTINE is curled under a log, asleep. CHLOE ISIS sits on top of the log, sorting pine cones in her lap. VALENTINE sits up at the sound of DAHOOTY’s voice.
DAHOOTY (OS)
It’s there!
It’s there!
Enter DAHOOTY from above.
CHLOE ISIS
You see it?
DAHOOTY
Just past these trees. You sleep in back yard!
VALENTINE
How do you know this is the one?
DAHOOTY
Dahooty see troll. Then Dahooty see man. Check other shops. No other man.
CHLOE ISIS
I told you this would work its self out.
You see it?
DAHOOTY
Just past these trees. You sleep in back yard!
VALENTINE
How do you know this is the one?
DAHOOTY
Dahooty see troll. Then Dahooty see man. Check other shops. No other man.
CHLOE ISIS
I told you this would work its self out.
CHLOE ISIS jumps off the log.
CHLOE ISIS
Show me, Dahooty.
DAHOOTY
Dahooty friend. Not like troll.
CHLOE ISIS
He was right about that.
VALENTINE
Let’s go.
NARRATOR
They crawled under the lowest intertwining branches to the boundary of a barn surrounded in monolithic sculptures of trinkets, trowels and plows, built and displayed decades ago and left to suffer spring rain after spring rain after spring rain. There were tubs of bolts, buckets of screws, trunks of screwdrivers, and all mixed with metal ends of gardening equipment that look as though the wooden handles rotted away where they lay many years ago. Glass bubbles hung in nets from tree branches, and cow skulls were mounted atop every alter.
Show me, Dahooty.
DAHOOTY
Dahooty friend. Not like troll.
CHLOE ISIS
He was right about that.
VALENTINE
Let’s go.
NARRATOR
They crawled under the lowest intertwining branches to the boundary of a barn surrounded in monolithic sculptures of trinkets, trowels and plows, built and displayed decades ago and left to suffer spring rain after spring rain after spring rain. There were tubs of bolts, buckets of screws, trunks of screwdrivers, and all mixed with metal ends of gardening equipment that look as though the wooden handles rotted away where they lay many years ago. Glass bubbles hung in nets from tree branches, and cow skulls were mounted atop every alter.
A crisp FLAG with bright green, red, and yellow decorations blows lazily in the breeze.
NARRATOR
All paint was gone from the barn, and skeletal planks swelled with rain, bulging at the bottom, as if from the weight of its contents threatening to pop the tiny nails holding the whole contraption together and wash it all out in a tidal wave to the street. There were windows in the barn door, and on the side, but no others, and everything looked black within. A tin chimney poked out the top with snow-white smoke ambling slowly skyward. Behind the barn, a brook worked its way over the rocks between the trees, doing it’s best to turn the massive wooden wheel stuck crudely to the back of the barn.
CHLOE ISIS
That’s it? I expected eviller.
All paint was gone from the barn, and skeletal planks swelled with rain, bulging at the bottom, as if from the weight of its contents threatening to pop the tiny nails holding the whole contraption together and wash it all out in a tidal wave to the street. There were windows in the barn door, and on the side, but no others, and everything looked black within. A tin chimney poked out the top with snow-white smoke ambling slowly skyward. Behind the barn, a brook worked its way over the rocks between the trees, doing it’s best to turn the massive wooden wheel stuck crudely to the back of the barn.
CHLOE ISIS
That’s it? I expected eviller.
VALENTINE walks up to the front door.
VALENTINE
Do we just go in?
CHLOE ISIS
It’s a store. We are customers.
VALENTINE
Not much of customers with only six dollars.
NARRATOR
Every corner was creamed with odds and ends and a drawer each for snips, snailshells, and all manner of things associated with puppies, from a pictures of dogs, statues of dogs, and a sackful of toy puppies with wagging tails. Drawers existed for every subject imaginable, and what couldn't be fit in a drawer was arranged atop a dresser or desk top in a bizarre tableau of manniquines and carvings of fish navigated by typewriters and animal skulls. A sailboat sat proudly beside a tin construction machine popularized in the story, "Are You My Mother?" The cheapest rusty sawblade was more than a thousand dollars, so Chloe Isis just gawked under tables and Valentine backed into things.
VALENTINE
This place is awesome!
Do we just go in?
CHLOE ISIS
It’s a store. We are customers.
VALENTINE
Not much of customers with only six dollars.
NARRATOR
Every corner was creamed with odds and ends and a drawer each for snips, snailshells, and all manner of things associated with puppies, from a pictures of dogs, statues of dogs, and a sackful of toy puppies with wagging tails. Drawers existed for every subject imaginable, and what couldn't be fit in a drawer was arranged atop a dresser or desk top in a bizarre tableau of manniquines and carvings of fish navigated by typewriters and animal skulls. A sailboat sat proudly beside a tin construction machine popularized in the story, "Are You My Mother?" The cheapest rusty sawblade was more than a thousand dollars, so Chloe Isis just gawked under tables and Valentine backed into things.
VALENTINE
This place is awesome!
The center of the room has a checkout counter kiosk with display cases leaving only enough room open to check out a customer and squeeze out of the center. Throughout the room ins an intricate set-up of shelves and bookcases arranged to create a maze winding around the shop from front door to the check-out window. Every shelf has been packed full of vases, knives, scarves, dolls, posters, paintings, pictures, games, gadgets, plates, bowls, glasses, cups, mugs, knives, forks, spoons (of all sizes), knick-knacks, potters, plants, and all matter of what-not. The back wall has two doors. The first is open to reveal a little of the cavernous barn beyond. The other is closed, marked EMPLOYEES ONLY!! Doorbell jingles as VALENTINE enters, followed by CHLOE and DAHOOTY.
VALENTINE
How long has he been collecting this?
CHLOE ISIS
This place is amazing!
DAHOOTY
Anybody home?
How long has he been collecting this?
CHLOE ISIS
This place is amazing!
DAHOOTY
Anybody home?
VALENTINE
Maybe the talking bird should wait outside.
Maybe the talking bird should wait outside.
Heavy footsteps behind EMPLOYEES ONLY!! door. Open to reveal a short, squat troll with dark skin and a trim body. He is CORTHD. He wears a wide-brimmed hat with a white feather protruding. There is a scimitar and a dagger strapped to his waist.
CORTHD
Need help?
VALENTINE
Oh yeah, we’re looking for a shop owned by Bandyboo. We were told it was on this road.
DAHOOTY
By the river.
CORTHD
This Bandyboo.
CHLOE ISIS
Are you?
CORTHD
Me Corthd. Need help? You buy?
VALENTINE
(wringing hands nervously) Well, we’re looking for a particular item that we were told might be here.
CHLOE ISIS
It’s a coat.
DAHOOTY
The Maroon Coat!
Need help?
VALENTINE
Oh yeah, we’re looking for a shop owned by Bandyboo. We were told it was on this road.
DAHOOTY
By the river.
CORTHD
This Bandyboo.
CHLOE ISIS
Are you?
CORTHD
Me Corthd. Need help? You buy?
VALENTINE
(wringing hands nervously) Well, we’re looking for a particular item that we were told might be here.
CHLOE ISIS
It’s a coat.
DAHOOTY
The Maroon Coat!
CORTHD’s eyes narrow. He looks them all over carefully.
CORTHD
You wait here.
You wait here.
CORTHD goes back through the EMPLOYEES ONLY!! door. VALENTINE, CHLOE, and DAHOOTY are silent a few seconds, looking at each other.
CHLOE
What do you think that was all about?
VALENTINE
Maybe he heard we were coming.
DAHOOTY
Maybe we should leave.
What do you think that was all about?
VALENTINE
Maybe he heard we were coming.
DAHOOTY
Maybe we should leave.
CORTHD slams open the door.
CORTHD
No coat. You leave.
CHLOE ISIS
Are you sure...
CORTHD
You leave. Leave now. No coat.
VALENTINE
How do you even know, you didn’t even look.
CORTHD
Corthd know all. No coat. Now go.
CHLOE ISIS
Is there someone else we can talk to?
CORTHD
No one else. Coat gone. Sold. Not here any more.
CHLOE ISIS
Hello! Hello! I’d like to speak with someone else! Where is your manager? Where is Bandyboo.
No coat. You leave.
CHLOE ISIS
Are you sure...
CORTHD
You leave. Leave now. No coat.
VALENTINE
How do you even know, you didn’t even look.
CORTHD
Corthd know all. No coat. Now go.
CHLOE ISIS
Is there someone else we can talk to?
CORTHD
No one else. Coat gone. Sold. Not here any more.
CHLOE ISIS
Hello! Hello! I’d like to speak with someone else! Where is your manager? Where is Bandyboo.
EMPLOYEES ONLY!! door opens and a giant of a man stoops under the jamb. He wears a loose brown tunic and pants, and has long, greying brown hair tied back and goatee. He is GRENT.
GRENT
I’m Bandyboo.
I’m Bandyboo.
FADE OUT on: Closeup of VALENTINE, with terror in his eyes and musical stinger.
Fade in...
...On TREMONT standing over HOOK, asleep in the sand by the river. A bridge can be seen in the distance.
TREMONT
Wake up. I don’t have all day to wait for you. Wake up.
HOOK
(disoriented)
What’s going on?
TREMONT
I have a mission for you.
HOOK
Am I going to town?
TREMONT
The children were in motion at dawn. The Marshal will arrive any moment, and I have new orders.
HOOK
What happened to the kids?
TREMONT
Ophalius has probably burned them to ash by now. I’ve got something else for you to handle.
HOOK
You told me they would be safe!
TREMONT
But when it came time to make good on that promise, I decided I didn’t want to be burned to ash myself. The Marshal wants me to move further down river and set a trap.
HOOK
What are we going to do?
TREMONT
We’re not doing anything. You’re going to Doom City.
HOOK
Oh no.
TREMONT
I’m not asking questions. That Shogotta will not follow you, and I can’t let it spread the word Glithvals are coming. You will travel to Doom City and find a man that calls himself ‘the Mayor.’ Tell him the Dark Man is coming for the Witch King’s Sword. He’ll know what to do.
HOOK
Wait, wait, wait! I didn’t agree to this.
TREMONT
But you not in a position to refuse. If those kids do manage to survive whatever that monster throws at them, he’ll be taking them right into a dark hole where Shogotta act as walls. The Mayor can make preparations for the arrival of Glithval. Now tell me. What do you report?
HOOK
Tremont Ayers says the Dark Man is coming for the sword of the Witch King.
TREMONT
Tell him ‘Tremont the Butcher.’
Wake up. I don’t have all day to wait for you. Wake up.
HOOK
(disoriented)
What’s going on?
TREMONT
I have a mission for you.
HOOK
Am I going to town?
TREMONT
The children were in motion at dawn. The Marshal will arrive any moment, and I have new orders.
HOOK
What happened to the kids?
TREMONT
Ophalius has probably burned them to ash by now. I’ve got something else for you to handle.
HOOK
You told me they would be safe!
TREMONT
But when it came time to make good on that promise, I decided I didn’t want to be burned to ash myself. The Marshal wants me to move further down river and set a trap.
HOOK
What are we going to do?
TREMONT
We’re not doing anything. You’re going to Doom City.
HOOK
Oh no.
TREMONT
I’m not asking questions. That Shogotta will not follow you, and I can’t let it spread the word Glithvals are coming. You will travel to Doom City and find a man that calls himself ‘the Mayor.’ Tell him the Dark Man is coming for the Witch King’s Sword. He’ll know what to do.
HOOK
Wait, wait, wait! I didn’t agree to this.
TREMONT
But you not in a position to refuse. If those kids do manage to survive whatever that monster throws at them, he’ll be taking them right into a dark hole where Shogotta act as walls. The Mayor can make preparations for the arrival of Glithval. Now tell me. What do you report?
HOOK
Tremont Ayers says the Dark Man is coming for the sword of the Witch King.
TREMONT
Tell him ‘Tremont the Butcher.’
Slow zoom on TREMONT’s eye and fade to black.
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