Here in this Sorrow

Shelly Marcone

I want to kill Jennie! How could she do this to me? I’ve been in love with John Parker since I first saw him last year, and she knows how bad I want him. I brought her with me to all those parties just so I could get to him and she starts trying to get in his pants! That little slut! What does Jennie have over me? I’m better looking, I’m smarter, I’m everything a guy could want! She’s probably going to have sex with him at the party on Thursday.

I go down the hall to my English class. I hate this class because Mr. Henry is always trying to look up the girls’ skirts, and I sit in the front. He’s such a perv, and I hate him. I’m way too hung-over to be dealing with A Separate Peace. I was up most of the night, drinking with Bill Johansen. He got a jug of wine with his fake ID and invited me over. Bill wants me really bad, so he gets me alcohol all the time. He already promised to have more wine at the party on Thursday. I know he’s just trying to get me drunk enough to sleep with him. Who knows, I almost did last night.

We take a test on the book, and I think I’m going to throw up. I leave most of my paper blank, because I can’t concentrate enough to listen to the questions Mr. Henry is asking. I think Bill and I tried reading some of it to each other last night, but all I can remember is the kid breaking his leg twice. We thought that part was so funny. Near the end, I catch Mr. Henry trying to look up my skirt. I wonder if letting him see something would get me a better grade. Thoughts of wearing no underwear on test days have crossed my mind before.

Bill is waiting for me outside Mr. Henry’s room. He looks a lot better off than I do. He tells me he wants to get some marijuana for the weekend, and asks if I want to smoke with him. I’m not really sure if I want to, because I don’t want to get addicted, but I tell him that I might. We walk down the hall to his math class. He’s a junior, but he failed math last year, so we are taking the same course. Of course, it looks like he’s going to fail again.

Ben Tramer is at his locker outside the classroom. He is friends with Bill, so they start talking while I just stand there. Ben keeps looking over at me, like he wants to talk, but I don’t know what to say, so I just smile uncomfortably. Ben is really popular, and the best player on the soccer team, but he’s not very good-looking. Not only that, but he’s as dumb as a rock. One time, I tried to talk to him, and he had to keep bringing everything back to soccer and the new jeep his parents got him as an early graduation present It’s bright orange! Why would he be proud of that? I thought seniors were supposed to be smart. Not to mention, but he has one pointed ear. Warren Boyd says it comes from the time Warren had sex with Ben's mom, but I don't see how that works. Ben's only redeeming value is that both his parents are doctors, and they have more money than they know what to do with.

I don’t want to be late to my art class, because I don’t think I could manage the smile that would get me out of trouble, so I leave them and go downstairs.

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