The Salvation Shark, Chapter 44

Jesse

I see Eva down on the sidewalk on time, but it takes her seven minutes before she comes upstairs. I think about meeting her in the hallway, but I don't want her to know I was watching. I must look nervous when I open. It’s been years since I told any people the truth about myself. When I did, I found myself quickly pretending it was a joke. We stand in the doorway, and I wring my hands a little until I catch it. "Hi," I say, but it comes out very small.

She is angry. She looks around me. "Can I come in?" I step inside and turn on the lights. I tried to pick up a little, but didn't get very far. "This place is gross." That's never a good start to a conversation. “What was so important that I had to come over for? Did your girlfriend dump your ass and make you ‘realize’ how much you actually like me?”

I step out of the way so she can get in. When she does so reluctantly, I ask, “Do you want a beer or anything?”

She turns around and glares at me, arms folded, considering the possible answers. “I do. I do want a beer. I'm going out with my girlfriends when I leave here, and I really want to go see them and drink a beer. I texted your address to them too, so don't even think about trying anything stupid."

"Will you sit?"

"No, I won't sit. This is a new skirt, and I don't want to get it stained."

"Look, Eva, I deserve this. I totally do. I'm an asshole for what I said to you today." I look around the room. "I've never spilled anything on the red chair." I sit in the brown chair that I've spilled quite a bit on. Both chairs and the couch came from the curb, so there's no telling who spilled what where before I found them.

Eva bites her lip, and not in a sexy way. Still, the way the lipstick catches in the black-light, she's not looking too bad. She sits in the chair with her knees pointed away from me. "Just a hint, it's not a good move to humiliate a girl in public and beg her to come over an hour later if you don't have time to sweep all the corn chips off the floor. Is this how you live? You think I'm going to make up with you when your house looks like this?"

I nod in concession to every accusation. “Fair enough. You're right, I have no right to call you, and I'm sorry for everything I said and did, and it's okay if you hate me. I just want you to hear me out.”

“Really good,” Eva says. "That's what this had better be, and short too." She taps her wrist even though she isn't wearing a watch.

“You sure about the beer, because I think I need one.” I grab a High Life out of the fridge. She is sitting on the couch when I come back in. I sit in the chair opposite her, leaning forward like I’m protecting the beer clutched in my hands. “I don’t have a girlfriend, Eva. I’m single, and I’m sorry I told you differently.”

She is quite for a moment, thunderstruck. “You know what, that probably is true, because no one would be dumb enough to fall for your shit twice. Nobody talks to me the way you talked to me, you understand?”

“Eva, come on. This is important,” I say.

“There’s more?”

“A whole universe more. I have a secret life that no one knows about.”

“Are you Agent Double-O-Zero?”

I drink most of the beer in one go. “I wish it was as easy as being a secret agent.”

I look at her in the peripheral. Her sympathies have been touched. Her eyes narrow. “Are you... sick?”

“I’ve had visions since I was very little.”

“Visions of...?" Her question trails off

“I can do miracles.”

Suspension of disbelief reached. “So do one now,” she says in a flat tone.

“I can’t.”

“You can’t?”

“I can’t do them at will, they just happen when they need to. I can’t control them.”

“I think one is pretty necessary right now.”

“It’s like there’s some set of rules that I have to follow. I’m apparently the Son of God, the Messiah reborn.”

She laughs, looking away. There is hate in her voice when she sees I am serious, and then her laugh goes away. "I've heard some crazy breakup stories, Jess..."

“It’s not a break-up story, Eva,” I pause and force myself to look at her. “I want you to understand.”

She shakes her head. “You make this up because you want me to stay?” She wants to be serious, in case I'm dangerous crazy, but she’s on the edge of laughing.

“I didn’t make it up, I swear.”

“You think you're Jesus?” She stands up. “Should I start worshiping you? Are you going to start a cult?”

I finish my beer. “My mom is an atheist, she told me since the day I was born that I didn’t exist. When I was seven years old, my neighbor’s cat was killed by a car. He was standing over the cat, praying... praying for it not to be dead. I touched the cat and jumped into Tim’s arms." I stare into her eyes for a few seconds to let this story take hold.

“When I was nine, I was in New York City with my mom. We walked by a homeless girl that looked about my age. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a sandwich that wasn’t there before.” She doesn’t want to believe these things that I’m saying, but I can tell the conviction in my eyes is making her question, making her want me to stop and say that I’m just joking, to chide her for being so gullible, and truthfully, there is nothing I want more than to tell her that this is all just humor, nothing than me trying to get the best of her. I want to be a liar right now. “When I was seventeen, my friend Christy was raped at a party by some guy she didn’t even know. A year later, she's cleaning up her life, and she tests positive for HIV. She came over to my house the night she found out. We sat in my apartment and prayed for hours that night. She just wanted some kind of answer, she was looking for something from God. I knew I needed to embrace her, and when I did, I could feel the virus burning away in her veins.” I look at the ground.

"I don't really know how to take this, Jess."

“I wish the miracles were the only thing. I am being hunted by the Devil himself, and that he is going to find me soon.”

I stand up, and she is already going for the door. She doesn't flee, but wants to make sure she has room to get away if I do anything wild. “Why would you tell me all this? I can’t even understand. Is this some kind of joke? Did you expect me to run out of here screaming ‘Jesse Black is the Messiah! Repent now!’” Her hands wave in frustration, as if they are trying to ward off what I’m saying to her.

I hear a voice whisper, and I say, “Touch my hand.” I extend my arm. She hesitates. As soon as our flesh connects, she knows. The beauty of Heaven, the fall of Lucifer, the creation of Man, she can see it all, just like I can see it all from before Time began. Her doubts burn away, and she believes. “Saint Eva,” I whisper.

“Oh my God,” she whispers, pulling away from me in a mix of shock and fear. When God reveals himself and takes away all the mystery, the human mind is usually unable to handle this kind of knowledge. “I... I don’t know what to say... I mean... I...”

“Don’t say anything,” I say somberly. “I don’t really even want people to know.” I shake my head. “I was so hurt by what I did to you today that I figured I owed you an explanation.”

“What about the Devil? How is he hunting you.”

I nod. “How can I beat the Devil? He has home-turf advantage. He can have anything, any power he wants, anyone to do his bidding. What can I do, give him a sandwich?”

“Jesse...”

“I don’t even know what to expect. Will he be a man? Will he look like he did in Heaven? Will he look like a demon?” I pause and stare at the dirty shag carpet. “I’m bound to lose this fight, and you know what?” I look back up at her. “I don’t even care.”

“Jesse, whatever it takes, I can help you...”

“The world is poisoned. I’m a Messiah that lost his faith.”

“Jesse... Jesse, I don’t know what to say.” She shakes her head. Her jaw is hanging open, her hands trembling like she is trying to force something out.

“I don’t want you to say anything. I want you to forgive me for being a jerk today.”

“Isn’t it your job to forgive?”

“I’m a bartender now.” I get myself another beer. “I’ve tried to live my life as a normal man, not as a god. I just wanted someone to know the truth about me before I die.”

“Jesse, you’re not going to die.”

“‘And He so loved the world, He gave his only Son.’ God the Father and God the Son are one in the same. That means I created the Universe, and I died to forgive the sins of the world. I’m here, down in the trenches, seeing the world I created, and seeing how bad I fucked up. All the problems in the world, people blame them on Lucifer because they can’t accept the fact that I short-changed them.”

“Without some kind of conflict, without challenge...”

“Bullshit! I’m the Almighty Creator of the Universe. I can do anything I fucking want, but yet, I made these delicate ecosystems that tumble to the ground if the slightest problem occurs. There are more people willing to murder to prove I like them than there are people that like me. You know how many people claim to be mine, but have hearts so filled with hate that they can never get through the gates of Heaven? I see them on television preaching lies, venom spread in my name. If those preachers met me, they'd say I was going to Hell.”

This time, Eva doesn't tell me she is speechless.

“If I had know how easily man would fall to Lucifer’s temptations, I would have never created them. I offer peace, happiness, salvation, an eternity of joy, but Lucifer offers instant gratification, and off my children run. Pastors and priests with million-dollar empires giving live broadcasts from a stadium. They ride in limousines and private jets and would deny me to touch either.”

“I don’t know how to react to all this... I think... I think I need time to think about it. I... I really need to go,” she says, taking a step towards the door. She looks back, like she’s waiting for me to stop her. "Do you need anything? I'll call Pete." She needs to figure it out for herself, so I let her go.

Go to Chapter 45