“Thank you for calling SpectraCom. My name is Rubin, can I have your ten-digit phone number please?”
“716 555 2029.”
“All right, please hold while I access... Vincent Calhoun.”
“Yes, that’s me, my address is...”
“I don’t need that.”
“What do you need me to verify?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Mr. Calhoun, do you remember me?”
“Uh... No, sir.”
“We spoke yesterday. Then I spoke with a customer service representative about your issue. Unless you need me to do something different from what you were calling about yesterday, I’m not interested in you verifying anything, because the answer is the same.”
“But I’m calling about my refund.”
“I know what you’re calling about, Mr. Calhoun. I spoke about the issue twice yesterday. I see you spoke with several other people too, and they all turned you down. Mr. Calhoun, this is our money, not yours. If it was yours, we would send it to you. If you sent us this money and it was more than you owed, I would have processed this refund myself, and it would have been approved. Even if you sent us the right amount of money, and we credited this to you later, we would still send you this refund. The problem is, Vincent, you didn’t send us any money. Through some promotion, you got to use our service for free. If you stayed with us for another month, you would have gotten that month for free too. You didn’t though. You thought you could get free money. Now, you don’t get that money, so there is no need to call about it.”
“Why not?”
“Mr. Calhoun, as we have previously discussed, this is not your money, so we aren’t going to send it to you.”
“Why not?”
“Mr. Calhoun, what is wrong with you?”
“Excuse me?”
“Were you dropped on your head as a baby?”
“What did you just ask me?”
“Mr. Calhoun, you’re obviously an idiot.”
“What?”
“Are you deaf as well as stupid?”
“Put your supervisor on the phone right now!”
“Mr. Calhoun, what you need to do right now, is to put the phone down, go have some lunch, maybe some coffee, and forget about this money, because you will never get it, so just stop calling here, okay?”
“Put me through to a supervisor or you are going to regret it!”
“How am I going to regret it? Do you remember my name?”
“Uh...”
“That’s right, you don’t. And obviously, I’m not going to give you my ID number, so you are left no recourse. Now, on the other hand, I have your name, address, phone number, social security number, all this information about you. How could I possibly regret this? The only way I could regret it, is if they are listening right now, which certainly isn’t your fault, it would be mine. So now, Mr. Calhoun, I’m going to hang up on you. Goodbye!”
No comments:
Post a Comment