Yeah, so I fucked Zoe. It was stupid, I know, but what else could I do? She was at my house when I got home. Chloe wasn’t there to beat her up, and Kurt let her in and left her to wait for me after he left. I was set up, betrayed from within my own ranks. Zoe was there on the couch waiting for me when I arrived. I was exhausted, half-drunk from the ride home, and too tired to fight her. I mixed us drinks, and I didn’t even once say I didn’t want to see her. I handed her a very heavy Rum & Coke and fell into my chair. We made small talk. I knew what was going to happen, and I was too tired from all the bullshit to say ‘boo’ about it. I figured I might as well be drunk enough to have some kind of excuse.
After I made my second drink, we were in my bedroom. She complained it was messy. I told her she didn’t have any right to complain about my bedroom. She relented. I was starting to forget my problems. We sat on my bed, talking and drinking, listening to music. We had so little comparable taste in music, there was so little we could both listen to. The whole ugly scene may have been avoidable, if Guns didn’t start playing “Patience.” I blame Guns N Roses for my poor choice of having sex with Zoe. Once Slash’s acoustic guitar strummed the first time, I knew it was all over. This was the song that was playing the first time we made love, lying in my bed in my very first apartment, smoking pot and fooling around. The song came on, and Zoe said, “I love this song,” to which I countered with, “And I love you,” and that was that. When it came on this time, it was inevitable that it would start again.
Now, I knew this story had to have a sex scene, at least one. I was hoping to avoid that kind of cliché, but she just kind of popped in there when she wasn’t supposed to, the way she always does. If it had to happen, I wanted the sex scene to be with Alicia. Alicia, who I like, who has caused me no undue pain and trauma. I didn’t even want Zoe West to appear in this story, but the conflict tested well with the audiences, so I didn’t kick her ass out. If it means anything, I didn’t enjoy the sex.
Well, I mean, of course I enjoyed it, physically. It was raw, powerful, malicious, vengeful sex. I was giving her back all the trauma she caused me. I was sending a clear and present message that I was free of her emotional tyranny. I was sleeping with her not because I was an idiot still in love with her, but because I was a man and she was an attractive woman, and that is what men do with attractive women. I was letting her know that this act was this and nothing else. When tomorrow came, whether she was in my bed or not, we would not be together, we would not be planning our mutual life together again, we would be nowhere further than we were today. I was showing her that this sex was meaningless to me on an emotional level. It was pure, no-strings-attached animal sex and nothing else. This was a one night stand and our past relations had no bearing on what was happening now. It was just sex. Just sex and nothing else.
I could tell by the look on her face that she didn’t seem to care one way or another.
When we finished and were lying in bed, Alicia called and told the answering machine she was just about to go to bed and wanted to chat for a few minutes. I wanted to run to the phone, but I figured that would be in bad taste.
“Is that the new girl you’re screwing?” Zoe asks, examining her fingernails in the semi-dark, with the only light filtering in from the living room.
“We’re not screwing,” I protest.
“So she hasn’t made the first move?”
“What are you talking about?
“You never get anywhere unless the girl makes the first move.”
“That’s not true!” It is true.
“Rubin, I practically had to rape you the first time. You told me yourself you probably would never have lost your virginity if some other girl didn’t do the same.”
“Yeah, but that was a long time ago. It’s different now.” It’s not different now.
“Have you kissed her yet?”
“Shut up.”
She laughs victoriously. “I rest my case.”
“Isn’t it time for you to leave yet?” I moan, rolling over.
“Aww, I make fun of your new girl, and you kick me out of bed. Is that how you operate these days?”
“It doesn’t matter now, does it?”
“What do you mean?”
“I was weak. I gave in to you, so I suppose we are getting back together now.”
She laughs victoriously again.“What, you think I’m going to break off my engagement just because I wanted to break the monotony of my life?” I’m getting positively sick over the repeated emotional victories she is scoring over me tonight.
I roll over and stare at her, wide-eyed. I’m so overjoyed that I almost leap out of bed. Zoe doesn’t want me back! No more heartache! No more cheating! No more break ups! Zoe wants to keep the other guy! For a change, I’m the guy she’s sneaking around with. I almost want to continue our bogus relationship. I want to persist, I want to be sneaky, be naughty, do bad things with her like fuck her in the other guy’s bed, but of course, I can’t.
“What are you so happy about?” she asks.
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