“You have a lot of gray hairs, Rubin.”
“Why the fuck are you still in my house?”
“Seriously, you have six of them right here. You’re only 25 years old. Why do you have so many grey hairs. That’s not right.”
“I don’t have a lot of grey hairs!”
“One, two, three... four... five... six, seven...”
“All right, knock it off.”
“You’re an old man, Rubin. Was your dad going gray when he was your age.”
“I was born when my dad was my age. I didn’t know him then. Now get dressed and get out of my house.”
“Rubin Valentine! I am shocked!”
“Get out. I have to go to work.”
“You have to go to work in three hours.”
“Zoe!”
“Yes Dear?”
“Don’t call me Dear.”
“Come on, Rubin, don’t tell me it didn’t feel good to wake up next to someone again... Admit it... Yeah, I can see that look. I woke up with your arm around me.”
“I move around in my sleep. You know that.”
“Do you kiss shoulders in your sleep too? You used to do that only when you were first waking up.”
“Get out of my house!”
“So, are you going to kiss that girl tonight?”
“Leave me alone, Zoe.”
“Are you going to? She sounds like she wants you.”
“I don’t need to take this from you!”
“You need to take it from me most of all. Do you want me to call her?”
“Leave, Zoe.”
“‘Hi, my name is Zoe West, and Rubin and I used to be together. I was just calling to tell you that if you want to do anything with him, you need to take action. You need to make the first move, but God damn, it’s worth it in the end.’”
“Zoe!”
“‘Worth coming back for, here and there.’ Come on, let me call her! What does Todd think of her?”
“He likes her, and his name is Dr. Filth, thank you very much.”
“What, are you guys superheroes or something? Captain Drunkpoet, and his sidekick, Dr. Filth?”
“He’s actually my arch nemesis.”
“At least you’ll never grow up.”
“Are you disappointed that you did?”
“No... It’s just... It’s a different life. Sometimes I miss the pleasure of immaturity. It’s a lot easier.”
“So do you want to dump that jerk and come back with me and have some fun again?”
“No!”
“Why the disgust in your voice?”
“You can’t stay like this forever, Rubin. At some point, you have to take the reins and grow up.”
“Why?”
“It’s just the way the world works.”
“I don’t like to work with the world.”
“So you’re going to stay like this? A job you hate, a filthy apartment in the ghetto, a straining dream of being a professional writer. You are going to fight for this?”
“No, not forever, I’ll probably... mature a little some day.”
“Why are you asking me why I want to be with you again?”
“Just trying to catch you off guard.”
“Rubin, I have a better reason than your immaturity why I can’t be with you again.”
“Oh really? What’s that?”
“My wedding is Saturday... this Saturday.”
“What?!?”
“I’m getting married this Saturday. What’s wrong? Rubin, say something. Fine, don’t say anything.”
“I’m fucking shocked, that’s all.”
“Shocked at what?”
“Well... you’re getting married in five days to someone else, and here you are in my bed. What’s going on with that?”
“I’m not sure about this wedding.”
“You’re not sure? You’re getting married in five days. Five days, and you spent the night with your ex-boyfriend. What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking I’m not sure if I want to get married. I don’t think I’ve been sure the entire time. I’ve had doubts from the minute I agreed.”
“So, you fuck me to find out?”
“Rubin, I’m sorry! Last night, you were all excited because I didn’t want to go back with you. Now you’re upset?”
“No, I’m upset because I’m an experiment!”
“You’re not an experiment. You're a reminder.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I needed to know what I was leaving behind, and I had to decide if I really wanted to leave it.”
“And I was enough to convince you to do it?”
“No, not yet.”
“Not yet?”
“Not yet.”
“Don’t you think you should make up your mind? Don’t you think that if you’re going to get married in five days, maybe you should be sure?”
“It’s called ‘cold feet,’ Rubin. Everyone gets it.”
“Everyone?”
“It’s a major decision. You had cold feet the whole time we were talking about getting married.”
“Is this what people do when they get cold feet?”
“Look, Rubin, let’s just drop it. I came to you to have some fun. You clearly wanted it, and clearly enjoyed it. You didn’t want to go back with me. I didn’t want to get back with you. We just had some fun. That’s all. I needed it. You probably needed it. Let’s not make it more than it is.”
“Ahem. Fine, whatever. Meaningless sex is all.”
“Exactly. There’s just one more thing.”
“What’s that?”
“My mom wants you to come to the wedding.”
“What?!”
“Russell wasn’t big on the idea, but Mom insisted.”
“I bet Russell wasn’t big on you fucking me, either. Did your mom insist on that too?”
“She probably wouldn’t be all that happy about it. For some reason though, she always liked you better.”
“Because I am better.”
“I disagree.”
“Of course, you do. You’re marrying the jerk.”
“Actually, you’re both about equal.”
“Then why are you marrying him?”
“Because you didn’t want to get married.”
“So, if I did, you would still be with me?’
“You’re a nut, you know that? You seriously need some help. That’s not the way it is. I was with you because I love you. I am with Russell because I love him.”
“What do you mean, you love me?”
“Oh, Jesus, Rubin.”
“Seriously, what do you mean by that?”
“Rubin, of course I still love you. It hasn’t been that long. Just because I don’t want to be with you doesn’t mean I don’t love you. God, you piss me off sometimes.”
“Then why are you laughing?”
“Because I know you’re only doing this to piss me off.”
“I always loved arguing with you.”
“Remember how furious you would get and storm out of the house when I finally upset you?”
“It didn’t happen that often.”
“So, if I broke it off with Russell, would you get back together with me?”
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