“Hello, can I speak with John Centralis please?’
“Um... He’s not home right now, can I take a message?”
“Is this Mrs. Centralis?”
“Y... yes, it is, who may I ask is calling?”
“Well ma’am, my name is Rubin, and I’m calling over from Shining Star Adult Books and Novelty, over here on South Depot Street, and I was just calling about his order. As his wife, I can ask you these questions. It’s just basically some verification we need to do with every order.”
“His... his order?”
“Yeah, he e-mailed us an order, we do a lot of sales online, but we aren’t set up to do instant transactions, so he e-mailed us his credit card information.”
“He e-mailed you...”
“Oh yeah, it’s totally secure, we don’t use them for anything but the purchase. He’s made a number of transactions with us before. We just need to confirm. You know, procedure and all.”
“...Procedure?”
“Oh yeah. First off, I just need to verify the credit card information.”
“Um... I don’t think this is...”
“First, as his wife, are you an authorized user on this MasterCard in his name?”
“Yes, I... I don’t, I want... don’t want to give... give that information over the phone...”
“Oh, no, no, no, you don’t have to give me anything. I have it all, just need to read it back to you.”
“Um... Okay.”
“It’s a MasterCard number 3412 6024 3159 7712, correct?”
“Uh... Uh, let me get it out... Uh... Okay, what was that again?”
“3412 6024 3159 7712.”
“Yes... Yes, that’s correct.”
“And your husband’s name appears as ‘John C. Centralis?”
“Uh... Yes, yes it does.”
“With a zip code of 12790?”
“Uh... Yes, that’s... That’s correct.”
“Okay, I just needed to confirm all that. Now, we ran your husband’s card, and his card was over the limit.”
“Over the limit...? That’s a new... a new card.”
“Well, these are some expensive videos he ordered. Some have, how shall we say... questionable legality.”
“Questionable...?”
“Oh yeah, I mean, the boxes say those boys are 18, but really, you look at some of them...”
“Boys...?”
“Yeah, I mean, I had to screen some of it. It’s not really my thing, but, you know, it’s the job, we have to do things we don’t like. That’s why it’s called ‘work,’ right?”
“Um...”
“Yeah, so this one kid’s walking around, got no hair on his balls, and it sure doesn’t look like it’s shaved, but the box says everyone is 18, and I guess some kids do mature late, but still... Anyway, not my place to judge, whatever Mr. Centralis is into... or is this for both of you?”
“Uh... no... no, it’s not.”
“It’s okay, you can tell me. I see it all the time. I see much worse than this. So, let your husband know he’s going to need to give us a call about the order, all right? We’re going to need to have an alternate payment method go through before we can ship. Or, he can come down and see us.”
“Okay... uh... I’ll tell him.”
“That would be great. Shall I leave our number? I’m sure he has it, he calls here enough. My God, in the last week, I’ve started answering the phone, ‘No, Mr. Centralis, your order isn’t in yet.’”
“Okay... I’ll... I’ll let him know.”
“Thanks so much. Oh, and uh... Mrs. Centralis, are you still there?”
“Y... Yes?”
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