SCENE FOUR
PAUL is sitting alone in a restaurant. ROLAND enters and crosses to PAUL.
ROLAND
There’s… music in this place, Paul. You know how I feel about that.
ROLAND sits and sets his case at his feet.
PAUL
I don’t have much time. They’ll need me back in the, the, god I don’t want to say it…
ROLAND
Oh, Paul, oh Paul, you are no rock. You shake and you quiver.
I talk, you listen. You don’t talk. I don’t listen.
PAUL
I… Roland… It was the most terrible thing, what happened, it was awful. It was my reflection that stopped me. I was walking to lunch, past the big glass bank building, and I was watching this girl walking. Business type, I have a weakness, a weakness for the knee high skirts, and she turned into the door, and the door closed, and there I was, suddenly. It was like I hadn’t seen myself for years, maybe it was the darkness of the reflection, I don’t know, but it was terrifying. My hair was perfect, my suit, so clean cut, the pinstripes stuck into me, and my face… hooded, haunted. I looked so perfect, the perfect modern man, young and vibrant and upwardly mobile and I retched. I couldn’t go back to the aw-aw-office, I couldn’t go back home, Roland, Roland, you knew me, you know me, you…
PAUL leans back in his chair and composes himself.
It wasn’t that I ever said “I am normal.” I didn’t used to be, I was different, wasn’t I?
ROLAND
Different than what? Me? Hey, everything moves where I am. It shakes and it quivers. I would say that I miss you, but you’re always here, and you’re always here. And I’m always there.
I get bored. My conversations with myself get repetitive. Then I see you, and we have fun again, and then the conversations get so repetitive so fast. Then I see her. We hardly talk anymore. It’s hard to talk with our mouths full. I don’t miss it, talking with her. She scares me.
PAUL
She scares you, you scare me. If I scared her, we’d have something perfect.
ROLAND
You don’t scare her. Perfection doesn’t exist.
You should try talking to her, you should. You think you can’t keep up with me. I’m not beautiful, torn fishnets, victim walk. She creates victims. I’m broken.
We should do something. Wear my clothes for a day, right?
PAUL
Yes. Great idea. I’d wear your clothes, I’d wear your skin. Even for a day. Maybe then I could figure out your secret that blasts away in there. I want to see it, I want to be it.
ROLAND
You can be so pointless. You can waste my time.
PAUL
So what. I gave up trying to impress you. It never mattered, never, what I did, what I tried to do. I can’t one-up you. The apostles probably gave up too. How do you beat walking on water? You can’t, no matter how hard you try! You just look stupid and then drown.
ROLAND
Fuck walking on water. I’m no messiah, I don’t make mistakes like that.
PAUL
I gave up trying to impress you, and then I just gave up. I need it back, I’m dying here, in this white shirt, white sheets, white walls, this green wallpaper that covers my mind. I want to clink again, to spread my fingers and not know where they end again. You’ve got to help.
ROLAND
The lord helps those that help themselves. The rest get counted and placed upon shelves.
PAUL
I can help, you can come with me. I need you there, I can’t do it alone. I met up with White Carlos. I haven’t seen him in, I can’t remember, forever. He always seems to show up when I need him. He sold me some tabs. We’re going to eat them. You’ll come over and we’ll eat them. It’ll be good times, great times, and we’ll bond. We can talk, talk about whatever we see, whatever we think and we’ll have great times.
ROLAND
Great times, insanity. You split the difference.
PAUL
Come on, say yes.
ROLAND
We’ll have some fun, we’ll bond, we’ll talk, you get twisted and find yourself. High hopes for such a little piece of paper.
PAUL
It’s good stuff.
ROLAND
I trust White Carlos.
ROLAND rises to leave. He takes his case.
I wasn’t here. Don’t answer any questions about me, if they should come up.
PAUL
What? Who-who’s going to ask any questions? Is something going on? What are you talking about? (Roland exits. Paul continues, alone) This is what I mean, this is exactly it, you go on as if I should understand. I don’t understand, I don’t. Jesus, I want to, I hope that I do, but what in God’s name are you doing?
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