Concession Speech 2008
Our next President of the United States will be named Obama. Any citizen who does not accept this will face death and dismemberment in one of a thousand secret detention camps that have already been put in place. All hail the new king!
Nuge has chosen to throw in the towel and put his support behind Senator Obama. Choosing Obama is like choosing George Walker over Sadaam Hussain and Osama bin Laden. It's not that I like him, or respect him, or trust Barak, but because I believe the United States of America needs a change. Senator Obama is a feral dog in a pack of hyenas and snakes. He will bite us. Make no mistake, he will bite us. We can never turn our back on this man, but he is most certainly our best choice.
A President John McCain is a filthy thought, keeping our nation in another 4 years of the abysmal negativity we've suffered through with our the Texas Ranger. Nuge can't take much more of ill-tempered foul-mouths like Bill O'Reilly spouting poison in every grocery store and waiting room. I can't fault anyone for the meteoric rise to power these commentators achieved following 9/11. We were upset. We all made some mistakes. Just the other day I was reading that wild-eyed lust-murderer railing against the shameful 50% of our population that contributes nothing to the national income, but Wild Bill is in the hated rich 1% that must give up 40% of his yearly $250,000 to shoulder most of the burden.
Nuge has got to tell you, I'm part of that other 49%, and life is pretty crappy right now. Nuge can't afford to drive over to the corner store and get a beer right now, let alone get a three piece suit and jabber and piss and moan on national television about how wonderful things are, and how great Obama's presidency will be for the layabouts. That may be true, but McCain's presidency will remain just as awful for the rest of us. Some people to think RuPaul can take us there, but Nuge only considers winners. Nuge also thinks a black, female impersonator as President of the United States of America is a step too far into the ridiculous.
Things suck right now. If we elect John McCain, the same rich people will continue to squeeze us for every centavo they can. Gas prices will continue to go up and up, blame will continue to be thrown, and tempers will rise and rise until we've been tricked into popping and killing each other off. This is how we've been going, and I don't know about you, but for good or for ill, Ole' Nuge would like to see a change. Vote for Obama.
We can't afford to be stupid though. It's time to face it, America. You, me, everyone, we've been stupid. We've let monsters in our midst to rape and plunder, and we've believed them when they worked to turn us against each other. Every time I look up Senator Obama's nose, I see a arrogant, greedy little worm hiding up there pulling levers to control the Senator's statements. It's the same slimy little worm that lived inside Bill Clinton, and we cannot trust it, even for a second. What we can do, is use it. Clinton was a fat pig, but our lives were pretty damn good with Bill at the helm. For the most part, he left us alone as long as we let him boink cows on the big mahogany desk. If that's what it takes for Nuge to afford living right now, that is a sacrifice Nuge is willing to make. The President should be allowed to get a little tail when he wants it. That's been one of the perks of ruling since time immemorial. Mrs. Obama has the same mad-cat fury burning in her eyes as Hillary. She may have loved Barak once, but now he is just a career move. She no longer has time to attend Barak's Presidently needs. When do you think was the last time George W. Bush got laid? If easing the squeeze means my taxes covering hookers, I'm not so sure it's a bad option.
This has quickly become the strangest concession ever penned, but it is necessary. If Nuge continued to run in this election, it would only polarize and divide our nation even more, and we don't need this right now. We are all on the same stone ocean liner floating around the Earth, and it's time we started looking at that. Electing Obama may not be the magic bullet answer the Left is predicting, but it can be a step in the right direction if we make it.
Nuge right now opens his campaign for 2012 with the slogan, "Better than Obama!" We've got 4 years. As long as we keep the President on his toes, we can end the war, bring our sons home, and start focusing on the nation we were meant to be, where every man gets his due, and we work together for the good of all. None of us, white, black, Christian, Muslim, man, woman, whoever, we cannot trust Barak Obama. He is not one of us. If we are united, however, and we are vigilant, we can keep him under rein, and we can use that to better ourselves. Wake up, America, we have a job to do.
NUGE 2012
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